Dear Pastor,

I read your column every day and sometimes I agree with you and sometimes I don't. But one thing I know is that I respect you to the max. I never thought that I would have to write to you for your advice. I am 53 and divorced. My ex-wife cheated on me with a white man she was working with. She went abroad and told me she was going to come back. But when I checked it out, she got involved with the white man so that she could get her stay. She divorced me and I didn't quarrel. But many nights I cried and prayed because we were a couple that people admired and we were not suffering.

Pastor, I became involved with a 27-year-old woman. I sent her back to school. All she had to do was to take care of my home and take care of me. She comes from a Christian home, but she is not a Christian, neither am I. My friends were jealous over me because of this slim, pretty, brown-skinned girl.

I didn't bring any pressure on her. She didn't have to wash by hand. I have a washing machine. I bought her a little car so she doesn't have to wait on me or to depend on me to take her around.

I didn't know that this girl was only with me for what she could get. Her mother came and spent the weekend with us. And one day, she and her mother had a fuss. They thought I was outside in the garden, but I left the garden and came in and heard when her mother said to her, "You are not afraid to give the man bun, suppose he kills you when he finds out." She told her mother that she will soon leave me.

she denied it

I surprised them by coming out so that they could see me and told my girlfriend that I heard about her plans and she denied it. Her mother tried to cover up for her and I left it there. From that day my mind started to change from her. And when her mother left, I moved out of the room. She has begged me not to put her out, but, pastor, I can't live with it. She told me that it is only once she had sex with another man since we are together and it was in the early stage of our relationship. That has not caused me to change my mind because when we met she told me that she didn't have anybody at all.

I went to see her mother and the mother told me she knows the guy and she was only warning her because the guy is always asking for her and she believes that she sees him sometimes. But she is begging me not to say anything and to try and forgive her.

Pastor, give me your opinion. One mind is telling me to tell her to go and at the same time I feel that if she leaves, I won't be able to trust any other woman. My wife let me down and this woman is keeping another man with me. I need your help.

E.M.

Dear E.M.,

First of all, let me say that I am pleased that you read my column. And I am not at all troubled because you do not always agree with me. I am glad that you have written to me about the problems you are facing with your girlfriend. It took you a long time to overcome the shock that your ex-wife brought upon you. And now this young woman with whom you are living has brought more pain in your life.

I hope you will take my suggestions. Stop spending on this young woman. If while she is in your house and she is hungry, you may give her bread. But ask her to leave now, not tomorrow, not next week, but right now. She is like a poisonous snake waiting to strike. She has plans to leave you when it suits her. Therefore, you should disrupt her plans and let her go now.

confronted them

Her mother knows her well and she was trying to warn her of the possibility of losing you and begging her to behave herself. But at the moment when you confronted both of them, she denied that she was cautioning her daughter. Now, the mother has told you the truth and is begging you not to end the relationship with her daughter. But I say to you, my friend, even if these women were to get down on their knees and try to beg you, don't go further with the relationship. You should not only tell her to go, you should take back the car that you gave her, if it is in your name. She should not have a car that you have bought to run around with another man.

According to you, she is a beautiful young woman but that is only outward beauty. She doesn't have good character. And please do not accept whatever a woman says at face value. Remember that some women are clever liars. Yes, men lie, but women do too. So, in the future, when you meet a woman who shows interest in you, make sure you find out all you can about her and then go to see a family counsellor.

One final word, make sure that you do not behave as a fool by giving her another chance. She is not going to change.

Pastor