Dear Pastor,

I am having a problem and hope you can help me by giving me your advice. I am a mother of two wonderful children. However, I am having some problems with my older child. He is nine. I have been in a relationship with my children's father for nine years, but we broke up two years ago. He started over his life and so did I.

I am in a relationship for a year and three months. I sometimes visit my boyfriend's house on the weekends. Whenever I do, I take my children with me. The first time my son went there, he went back and told his father a lie about what my boyfriend did.

His father asked me about it and I told him it wasn't true. I also asked my son why he did that and he couldn't give me any reason.

he slapped him

The second time my son went to my boyfriend's house he misbehaved and he slapped him in front of me.

His father was away for six months. As soon as he returned, my son told him what my boyfriend did. His father behaved badly about it. I admitted that my boyfriend had slapped my son and I apologised for it.

I told my boyfriend that if my child does something wrong again, I will be the one to punish him because his father wasn't pleased about what he did.

My boyfriend got very upset and asked me why he cannot say something to my son when he does something wrong at his house.

Pastor, to be honest with you, my boyfriend treats me well. He makes me happy but it is hard to be happy knowing that my child is not welcome at his house anymore.

I can't help but wonder if my boyfriend ever liked my son in the first place.

What should I do about the situation? I am anxiously awaiting your response.

S.J., St. Catherine

Dear S.J.,

Your boyfriend slapped your son. He did so because he felt he should be punished for misbehaving.

Perhaps one may say it was not the correct method that he used to correct him.

However, if you were a wise woman, you could have reasoned that out with your boyfriend without any fuss.

The stand that your boyfriend has taken now is correct. If both of you are having an intimate relationship and he treats you well, that should tell you he has accepted your children.

That was never in question. However, you were wrong to tell this man he should never correct or discipline your child.

At the same time, you would want him to be your man and provide for yourself and the children.

If your children won't listen to him and follow his instructions, it means they do not respect or accept him as their stepfather.

You should not expect any intelligent man to agree to the foolishness you have suggested. To make matters worse, you are talking nonsense when you express doubt whether this man had loved your son in the first place.

I have to be frank with you ma'am. If this man can't correct your son, he should end the relationship with you.

A man ought to be in charge of his house. The discipline of children is a shared responsibility between mother and father and, in your case, a stepfather. If you are silly enough to continue to say you do not want your man to touch your children, I repeat, he should leave you.

Pastor