Dear Pastor,

This is my first letter to you. I am in my early 50s and my husband is four years older. We started from nothing. I used to work at a hardware store. I credited the material and built a house, so that I wouldn't have to pay rent.

The children have grown and my husband and I are only responsible for ourselves. Whenever it is weekend, he does not give me any money. He doesn't want to spend. Every day he says he only has his gas money. He would drive past the shop, supermarket and come to the house to ask me for things.

I could not tell the last time he gave me money, or anything, as his wife. He says I am working.

We curse each other for everything. Whenever I don't give him sex, he tells me nasty things. He wants to have sex three to five times for the week.

menopause

Pastor, tell me now, if we are going on for so long (35 years), our eldest child is 34 and our youngest in her 20s, how should I make love with him and he is like this?

I never used to love sex that much, but I have reached menopause, so maybe two times for the week would be good enough. I work very hard. If he is having sex with me so often, when I reach 65 I am going to sick his stomach. He told me it would be better for him to be in prison. I told him he would be taking, not giving, so he must give thanks he is getting a little.

Pastor, do you think I should give this man sex every time he wants it? We have been married for more than 20 years. Sometimes I tell him to go on the road because I am not running any race.

I am awaiting your reply.

L.J., Manchester

Dear L.J.,

I am going to tell you what you know already. Your man is mean and selfish. He wants, he wants, he wants. The only thing he gives is a lot of sex. He is fortunate that you have not rejected or refused his demands. You may continue to give him his sex whenever you are in the mood, but it should not be done under duress.

bold enough

What you need to start demanding from him is money. You have spoilt this man. You keep giving him whatever he wants and he has been bold enough and childish to tell you that you are working so you can buy whatever you want with what you earn. You need to tell him, whenever he comes to you for financial help, that he is working, so he should buy whatever he needs from what he earns. You have a right to know why he is always so broke.

Does he have a bank account that you don't know about? Is he giving money to another woman?

Tell him that your eyes are opened now and you need a certain amount of money from him every week.

Don't take that as a joke. Demand it.

Pastor