Dear Pastor,

I am 23, married. My husband is away on study leave. I have an 18-year-old sister who is attending university and I suggested that she could stay with me on weekends.

The first time she came, she told me she has a boyfriend and whether I would object for him to visit her. I told her no.

The guy came at about 7:00 p.m. and they went out. They came back about 10:00 p.m. I opened the door for her and I thought he would have left but he came in. I was watching television so I excused myself and went into my room and fell asleep.

About some minutes to 12, I woke up and realised that the lights in the living room were still on and she did not come to bed. So I went out and got the shock of my life. I saw my sister and the young man on the floor having sex. They didn't even see me, so I quietly went back into the room.

I could not sleep night because I did not know that my sister was so cheap. The guy did not have on any clothes. My sister was partly nude. I heard when he left and that was about 1:00 a.m.

a Christian

In the morning, I told my sister that I saw them having sex and I asked her whether the guy had used a condom. She said no, but she was going to buy the morning-after pill. I told her I did not know she was sexually active and that she would bring a man into my apartment while I am there and have sex with him.

She said she was sorry but it just happened and she would not do it again.

I am a Christian and knew my sister to be a Christian. The guy she is having sex with is not a Christian. I told my husband what happened and that I do not want her to come back to the house. My husband disagreed with me and reminded me that is an adult and she would not have had sex if she thought I was awake.

Pastor, I won't even describe the position that this man had my sister in. My husband and I have never done that position. She does not know much about this guy. He is just a student at the university. If he gets her pregnant, she couldn't have the baby because she can't manage.

Pastor, what do you suggest I do?

E.T.

Dear E.T.,

Your sister made a big mistake. When she went out on the date with her boyfriend and he accompanied her to your apartment, that should have been the end of the date. If, for some reasons' known only to themselves, they wanted to spend a little more time together, it should not have involved sex. Both of them should not have engaged in sexual intercourse in your house. Even if the young man had insisted that they have sex, your sister should not have encouraged him. The young man should take some of the blame. He should have controlled himself and not have encourage her to engage in unprotected sex.

Your husband is quite correct. You should not prevent her from spending weekends at your house. You should lay down the rules, so to speak, but allow her to come. The guy should not be allowed to be there if you are not at home, and should leave at a reasonable time. Your sister needs guidance. As her senior, you should do just that. Don't condemn her. Just try to help her as much as possible.

Pastor