Dear Pastor,

I am 33 years old and my husband is in his 40s. We have three children together. My husband has always been a cheater. And whenever I complain about his behaviour, his relatives always take up for him. One of his sisters told me that her brother is cheating because he is not getting enough sex at home.

He got one of our church sisters pregnant and I was so ashamed. I stopped attending the church. The child is now four years old. One day he brought the child to the house and I objected, and he said it is his child and the children we have together must associate with their sister. I told him that I prefer to leave him than to have another child that was born out of his infidelity come to the house and I accept her. He told me that I can go whenever I want.

I called a counsellor and set up an appointment but he refused to go. I am sure that he is still having sex with this child's mother because she is not working and she is still living in the same house. And I suspect that he is paying the rent. I don't have anybody to talk to.

My father is a very ignorant man and my mother is living abroad. She filed for all of us, but it is taking a long time to come through.

One day I called the child's mother and she told me some bad words that I never thought would come out of a woman's mouth. He used to give me money for myself. Now, the only money I get from him is to buy food. And if he is going away because of his job, he gives me the lunch money to give to his children.

I can't take this life anymore. I move out of the bedroom because when I was sleeping with him, he wouldn't even touch me. I am asking you kindly what I should do.

H.D., St Andrew

Dear H.D.,

Your husband should try to understand that it is not easy for you to accept his behaviour. And he is wrong to take the child to the home without informing you. Both of you should have gone to counselling before an attempt was made to have the children meet together in the home. Bonding of the children is important, but it is not something that should be forced on them, especially considering under the circumstances this child was born.

It would not be easy for you to accept the lifestyle of your husband. He is not prepared to change or to go for counselling. However, I would suggest that you go for counselling yourself. A counsellor will teach you how to deal with what you are going through. If the situation at home is causing you to become ill and you believe that you should end the relationship, you should speak to a lawyer. Don't just walk away from the matrimonial home without speaking to a lawyer.

Pastor