Dear Pastor,

I am a 21-year-old girl who is very independent and always tries to achieve her goals; however, I don't have enough support to reach my targets. I was involved with a guy who my family and peers love dearly, but he moved to the States. We made future plans, but we didn't get to pursue them because of his job in the States.

Each time he told me he was coming to Jamaica, he put it off. I waited and waited for him for more than a year, but he didn't come. We used to communicate on Facebook and through texts, but after a while, he stopped. He stopped answering my calls. So I decided to get involved with another guy in the country who I have known for sometime now.

I ended up moving to this guy's house. At first, everything was ok. We are both working, so everything is smooth. I couldn't tell him I was involved with the guy overseas. He is really jealous. He doesn't even want me to answer my phone around him. Whenever we travel together, I have to be keeping my head one way or else it will be pure argument when we reach home. He doesn't trust me one bit.

The only lie I have told him is that I have ended the relationship with the guy in the States. And because I want him to trust me, I ended up telling the guy in the States that I don't want to continue the relationship. He said ok. He did not even want to know why, so I didn't make it worry me.

Months passed and we started contacting each other again without anyone knowing. But this insecure guy that I am living with is getting on my nerves. He said he doesn't hit ladies. Once, we were playing and he squeezed my wrist. I started crying and he told me sorry. He did something similar again, and this time I decided that I was not going to make it happen again.

I am young and I don't think I should let this man take advantage of me. I love him but not as much as my first boyfriend, and I am afraid that there is no future with this guy I am living with. He is much older than I and he has a child living in Kingston. I need your honest opinion.

K.

Dear K.,

If you know you don't love this guy with whom you are living, you are using him. And that is not a wise thing to do, especially with a jealous man. Overly jealous men behave as if they are crazy, and they are likely to do scary things. They like to talk about how they would kill because if they can't get the woman they love, other men should not get them.

You are working. You can manage on your own. You are still in love with the guy in America. Evidently, you believe that you have a future with him, so it is in your interest to end the relationship with the man with whom you are living and save yourself much grief in the days ahead.

Pastor