Dear Pastor,

One of the things that I do not like in a relationship is when couples search the possessions of each other. However, I have searched my former husband's briefcase because I noticed he was very protective of it, and seem very secretive. He was also very quick to clear his mailbox and he never left his mails carelessly while I had no problem leaving mine anywhere because I have nothing to hide. That made me suspicious.

I searched my husband's briefcase one night and found out he had several credit cards with high balances that I did not know of. When I confronted him, he got upset and could not provide any answer. I had taken out a loan to buy him a car and we agreed we would only have one card with a big balance. We would just live within our means and use our salary for everything else since we were trying to buy a home. He also was supposed to show me his credit history before we got married which he never did. Every time I asked, he would not give me any answer. I did not insist and I got married since there were no other problems.

When we were buying a home, the bank told me to take his name off the mortgage application or I would not get the loan, but he would not tell me what was wrong. My husband at the time was not forthcoming with the information and still would not show me his credit.

I believe that husbands and wives should share their financial information on large loans since the wives will be responsible for their debts and vice versa. I have found many men to be very bad with money and they sink their women into problems and the women have no idea.

L.B.

Dear L.B.,

Couples should always try to have pre-marital counselling before they get married. And the counselling should be done by trained and experienced counsellors. Many times it is during counselling sessions that hidden matters, such as finances, children and past relationships are disclosed. Nothing should be taken for granted. And it is unwise for couples to get married soon after they have met. "Hot couples" don't stay together for very long. They are like the Hollywood relationships. Many of these couples have never truly experienced genuine love. What they want is hot sex. And after a while, the relationship, instead of getting stronger, gets cold. I hope that what you have gone through with your ex-husband would make you wiser and that you would make a better choice in a mate.

Pastor