Dear Pastor,

I am so glad to be able to speak with you about this matter that I am experiencing in my life. I am 40 and have been married for 14 years. I have two beautiful children who I love dearly. However, my husband lost his job and all of the financial pressure is on me and he seems to have lost interest in our family totally.

He is not behaving as a man and doesn't support our family in any way. He doesn't seem to take interest in our children, their education or recreational interests. We rarely spend time together or socialise, but we religiously attend church together. I am currently very unhappy with my marriage and I have thought about leaving, but I won't for the sake of our children.

I am someone who finds pleasure in male company over a female. One of my friends is a pastor and counsellor and I have discussed many personal and private matters with him, particularly about my marriage.

When I meet with my pastor friend, I have noticed how tactile he is and that he always embraces me very tightly, making my breasts rub against his chest, also positioning himself so that his pubic area rubs against my thigh. I realise that I obviously like this as I have never said anything to him and this has happened many times. Recently, however, he told me his feelings for me which I was delighted to hear and reciprocated the feelings, which has made him continue to touch me in private places.

I am married and he is also married. I enjoy his company and attention, and I don't feel as though I am doing anything wrong. My husband is not being the husband he needs to be and is making me seek attention elsewhere. Please help me with this problem. I look forward to hearing from you soon.

K.

Dear K.,

You say this pastor is your friend and counsellor and now both of you have become sexually and emotionally involved. Evidently, both of you have not gone to bed, but surely if both of you continue to play around and to toy with each other's body, you will take it to that level.

You claim that you like what both of you are doing and that is happening because your husband is neglecting you. Your argument is weak. You are responsible for what you do. And the pastor counsellor is also responsible for what he does. Both of you are adults and both of you are yielding to the temptations of the flesh.Your husband has not been a good husband, but the pastor and yourself shouldn't use that as an excuse to do wrong.

Therefore, I suggest that you call this pastor and tell him that you are going to stop seeing him for counselling. And that both of you should not be alone at any time. Remind him that he can destroy both his marriage and his ministry. And as you pray for your husband, your children and yourself, pray for him too. Right now both of you are weak towards each other, so stay as far as possible from each other. I further suggest that if you need professional help, that you should seek another family counsellor.

Pastor