Dear Pastor,

Greetings in the name of Jesus. I am a young preacher on probation. I am working under my overseer. He is a stern leader and he likes to lay down his rules. I cannot go against his rules, although some of them are outdated.

I am writing to you because I am single and need help. Before I entered gospel work, I had a girlfriend. Now that I am a preacher, I see she wouldn't fit in as a pastor's wife. I don't know what to do because the overseer knows her. They are good friends and she tells him everything.

Pastor, I know her better than he does. When she is around him, she puts on a show and behaves as if she is holy. My overseer likes people who make an outward show.

a girl in the church that I like

Please, help me, Pastor, because there is a girl in the church that I like. She is humble and comes from a good background. She attends college. She does not have a boyfriend. I told her I admire her and she said she admires me too, but I left it there.

I don't know what to do. I believe it would cause a problem if I told my overseer how I feel about my girlfriend. He might write up a bad report about me and the council might not want to ordain me.

I don't know what to do, please give me your advice.

T.A.

Dear T.A.,

Don't be worried about how the overseer would feel about the decision you have made. It is your future at stake. If you make the wrong decision, you may live to regret it because a bad marriage can hinder your progress. You have come to realise your present girlfriend does not possess the qualities that a preacher's wife should have. Therefore, it would not be wise for you to marry her.

The first thing you ought to do is to tell your girlfriend you would like to bring the relationship an end. It would be natural for her to ask you why. Give her the reasons but do it in such a way that she will not be embarrassed. Sometimes the truth may hurt but, in years to come, she might appreciate you did not fool her and gave her the impression that you were in love with her when you were not.

stand your ground

Expect her to cry. Expect her to threaten that she will tell the overseer everything both of you did, good or bad, but stand your ground. Soon after you have spoken to her, tell the overseer you have ended the relationship. Don't tell him about the other girl you are admiring in the church. If he asks you if you are seeing someone else, you may say the time is not right for you to discuss that with him, but you will when the time is right.

Allow six months to a year to pass before you develop any serious relationship with the young woman you are admiring. Bear in mind that within that period another man may approach her and tell her he loves her. If that happens, the young lady would have a choice to make, because you would have to 'make a move also'. Remember, you are walking on egg shells right now with the church and your overseer, so be careful how you handle the situation in which you have found yourself.

Pastor