Dear Pastor,

I am a regular reader of your column. I really enjoy reading it and hearing your advice. I am a 19-year-old girl who is involved with a soldier. He is also married. I really like this man but at times he seems to be very talkative. He said that the reason why he is cheating is because he is not happy, but I don't really understand why he continues to have a relationship with his wife and he is unhappy.

Every time I tell him that I really like him but I don't think I will continue the relationship with him, it always causes a fuss. I really want to know if this man is real.

I have a small business and he is always trying to help in whatever ways he can. But with all of that I am still not comfortable, because he is married. I even told him that if he can't manage, he should leave it alone because if his wife just makes the silly mistake and rings my phone, it is going be an end between us. I continue to tell him to leave but he is not leaving.

I don't have a boyfriend different from him. And when I told him that I am going to find someone for myself, he started an argument. Pastor, I don't know what to do. I need your advice.

N.

Dear N.,

If a woman is determined to end the relationship she is having with a man, she can do so. He may try to hang on by threatening her or he may cry like a baby. But the woman has the handle. An intelligent woman knows that some men use threats to scare them. And she also knows that every threat should be reported to the police. And she might have to take out a restraining order against the man if he refuses to leave her alone and begin to stalk her.

Now I am aware that you are only 19 years old and you do not have years of experience in dealing with men. But you can seek advice from other women,

fortable with his wife." What does that mean? Let me tell you what he is really saying. He is talking nonsense. They all use similar arguments about their wives to make their girlfriends feel special and believe that eventually they will leave their wives.

If you continue this relationship with this man, after he has used you and he gets tired of you, he is likely to say to you that his wife and himself have patched up their differences and have decided to give the marriage a second chance.

My dear, let this man go his way now. Don't accept anything from him and don't ask him to do any favours for you. In other words, I am saying to you, "lock up shop." If you don't know what I mean, ask older women.

Pastor