Dear Pastor,

I am a 40-year-old woman and I have three children. I got married two years ago to a man who is much older than I. After I had my last child, I became a Christian and got baptised. I met this man in the church, but he is not a part of the same congregation I attend. He was attending another branch. When he told me that he was interested in me, I told him to give me time to think about it. He is a returning resident and his wife died. He is well off. He has his own house and gets a good pension. He loves my children. I talked to my friends about it and they all encouraged me to marry him. However, my pastor didn't seem excited about it, but he did our wedding nevertheless.

We never tried to have sex until after we were married. And that is where we are having the problem now, because he is no good in that area. He has never had good sex. He wants me to be satisfied with him fingering me and having oral sex. This is the first time I am talking about it. Nobody knows what I am going through. He has gone to the doctor and he drinks roots and I tried to give him everything I hear on the radio that people like him should take. I love him, but I do want to have sex and I don't know what to do.

R.K.

Dear R.K.,

I am sorry to hear that your husband is incapable of having sexual intercourse. He should have informed you of his condition before he proposed to you. If you were to leave him now, some people will say that it is because you have another man. Some would never believe that he is impotent and unable to satisfy you through sexual intercourse.

However, these are modern days and there are many things that a man can do to have sex, so all hope is not lost.

I suggest that both of you go to see a sex therapist and he or she would be able to tell you what he can use. If both of you are willing to cooperate with each other, you can have great fun in that area.

Pastor