Dear Pastor,

I am an 18-year-old young woman. I met a young man one year ago and all he wants from me is sex. I told him that my parents are very poor. They can hardly manage, so any man who loves me would have to take me as his responsibility. I did not finish high school because my parents couldn't continue to give me bus fare and even buy my uniform, so I dropped out of school when I was 16 years old.

The first time I had sex was with an American man. I went to a hotel to ask for a job and he saw me and we started to talk and he said that he loved the way I talk. He offered to buy me a drink and I told him that I did not drink. I asked him if he was alone and he told me no; his wife and daughter were gone on a tour, but he didn't feel like going. We had lunch together and he took me to his room and I agreed to have sex with him and he gave me US$100. I fretted a lot after we had sex because he did not use a condom. I did not think that he could have got me pregnant before we had sex. He took my name and address and told me that he would write to me when he goes back to America, but I never heard from him.

Pastor, when I met my boyfriend he asked me if I ever had sex and I told him yes. And he asked me with whom and I didn't answer, until finally I told him it was with a white man and I don't know where he is. Every time we have a disagreement, he brings it up and calls me names.

Before he found out about the white man, he used to treat me better. He used to give me everything I want, now I have to be begging him. I was working, but the place closed down. He wants me to get pregnant for him, but I don't want to have a baby right now. I want to go back to school. I wish I could meet that white man again.

E.R.

Dear E.R.,

You didn't have to tell your boyfriend with whom you had sex. On the other hand, he is behaving as a foolish and immature man. What has been done in the past cannot be undone. The mistakes that you have made are in the past and you have to put such mistakes behind you and move on.

Your parents are very poor, but I am sure that they did their best to help you. What you need to do now is to go back to school. It would indeed be good if you could get a job and attend school in the evenings.

You cannot rely on your boyfriend. What he wants from you more than anything else is sex. He is not interested in seeing you get an education. You have declared that all he wants is sex.

It is unlikely that you would see or hear from the man who took your virginity. He was a tourist in Jamaica to have a good time and he has his family. You gave him your address. Perhaps he lost it, or his wife found it and destroyed it or he conned you. So you too must put that behind you. By the way, do you remember his name and what part of America he is living? Come to think about it, did he give you his name at all?

I am glad he did not get you pregnant. Your present boyfriend wants to get you pregnant. You are not ready for that. What you should be eager to do is to further your education. And if your boyfriend continues to harass you, you should leave him.

Pastor