Dear Pastor,

I buy The Jamaica Star often just to read your column. I hold you in high esteem and respect you greatly, especially for your wisdom and truthfulness.

I live overseas and I am married to a Jamaican national and it has been a terrible marriage since February 2000. After being married to him for a few months, I found out that he was smoking marijuana. I was very green to all of its effects and how it causes one to behave and how one becomes a schizophrenic after being addicted for so long to this substance. I found out in December when he told me that he has been smoking ganja since he was 13 years old. His brain must be destroyed by now and he acts that way at times.

I have been very stupid by putting up with his unfaithfulness. When I finally divorced him seven years later for his infidelity, he got sent back home. He then realised how stupid he has been when he saw that he had nowhere to call home because he had used up all his money on women and ganja. He was calling every day saying he had no food to eat and he was just living here and there with relatives and was not able to find any work. He promised that he would be a better husband and a good father to his child, if I would just give him another chance. Deep down in me I did not want to remarry this man but this was the only way for him to be able to come back up and work to help take care of my child, so I stupidly remarried him.

Well, as you know a leopard never changes his spots and I have lived in regret ever since. I cannot live with this man much longer as he has become more dependent on this ganja. He has put ganja in his life like a God. He is so verbally disrespectful, even in front of our child but I have plans to leave him. I really believe that God is mad at me because he did advise me through a prophet that my life would be worse this time around than before and that this man was holding me against my will with witchcraft.

I am asking you to please pray for me for the strength and courage and finances to get away from this man. Even when I have my mind made up to leave, the finances seem to disappear. I know that I have made some very stupid decisions in my life and I want to take my child out of this situation. But I wonder how it will affect him not having his father around because I know that they love each other. However, I know deep down inside that my child would be better off with this man out of his life.

Thank you and may the God of Abraham continue to bless you and your family.

I look forward to your reply.

M.F.

Dear M.F.,

As I was reading your letter, I was hoping that you would have said that you sought professional help for this man and yourself, or that he went to see a therapist on his own. He is clearly a drug addict and he needs to be under the care of doctors. There are many rehabilitation centres in America. And if he is willing to humble himself and to submit to medical practitioners who are trained to help drug addicts, over time, he would be able to function normally.

I am not saying that his condition would improve overnight, but many people have received help, and so can he. However, no one will kick his drug addiction (and I use the word kick cautiously) unless he sees that he needs help. Some folks have never sought help because they do not believe that they have a problem. So their conditions deteriorate.

You are a very forgiving woman. You gave this man a second chance and he continues to make a fool of himself. Do not blame yourself for anything. If he doesn't corporate, you have the right to walk away from the relationship. If he prefers drugs over the marriage, that is his choice. Right now he is a bad example for your son.

Pastor