Dear Pastor,

I have a big problem. I have been married for three years. I am 27 years old and I have two children and one on the way. The child that I am carrying now is not for my husband. We do not have children together. The two children that I have are not his either. I have these children before I got married.

After I got married, my husband left me and went away. He went to America and got involved with another woman. He told me that he didn't intend to spend long, but he never came back. I don't know where to find him now. So I got involved with another man. He has his woman and I knew that but I needed help with the children. Their father is not making much. He gives what he can but that is not enough.

This man who got me pregnant doesn't believe in using the condom and I told him I wouldn't get pregnant because I was on the pill, but I slipped up and didn't take the pill the right way. When I found out that I am pregnant and told him, he cried. I asked him if I should kill the pregnancy and he said no. He has six children, but he is in a good position and he gives me $5,000. every week. I am living at my father's house. My mother does not live with us. My father is a farmer. I didn't tell him that I was pregnant again, but he asked me. He knows that my husband does not support me. He is a good father. I love him very much.

Pastor, I didn't want life to turn out this way with me. And I don't intend to destroy this man's married life. Please give me your advice and thanks.

B.

Dear B.,

You have made mistakes, but your husband has contributed in making life much harder for you. He has not been a good husband at all. He does not even correspond with you. And even if he got involved with the other woman in America, you are still his wife.

You became sexually involved with another man because of needs. I know some people will condemn you, but only you know what is your true financial situation. You became friendly with this man because of the benefits you receive from him.

You have to admit that you were very careless. The man who got you pregnant cried when you told him that you are pregnant. Perhaps he cried because he regretted getting you pregnant and also because he knows that eventually his wife will find out that he has fathered another child.

You ought to be grateful to your father. Make sure you take care of him. And perhaps you should discuss with your man friend the possibility of giving up the child for adoption. Don't misunderstand me, I am not telling you to do so, but it may be the best thing to do considering that you are unemployed and the father of this child has six children and is living with his wife.

Pastor