Dear Pastor,

I am 19 and living in America, but I don't like it here because I am living with my father and not really free. And because of his job, he is hardly at home. My father is very good to me. He was married but he divorced his wife. She didn't want me to come and live with them so they had a big fallout. My father had to put me to stay with some of his friends. And he told her that she could leave because I am his daughter and he has to take care of me.

When she did not leave, my father left the house and rented another place for the both of us. His girlfriend comes and spends time with us. But he told me he will never marry again. Since I have to be here alone, I have found myself into dirty habits, such as inviting guys to the house and having sex with them. One guy came to see me and another of my male school friends was visiting me and we were sitting at the computer and they almost got into a fight.

The one who was helping me at the computer was just an ordinary friend, but the other guy and I had sex a number of times and he is very jealous. I had to ask him not to come back. The neighbours heard when they were arguing and called my father and told him. I had to lie to him and tell him we were practising a skit as part of an assignment we had to do at school. My father told me not to invite them back to the house.

I missed my boyfriend in Jamaica. He is attending university. My father doesn't know anything about him, but my mother knows him. She likes him. I am hoping to go to Jamaica for Christmas. He said he would like us to get married as soon as he is finished university. I know my father doesn't want me to get married. He is working hard. He gives me everything I want. I never had sex without protection because I don't want to get pregnant.

My father's girlfriend does not have her green card and she is trying to work through me to get my father to marry her. But I told my father that if he changes his mind and marry again, he should marry my mother and get her out of Jamaica.

Sometimes when I call my mother, I put my father on the phone and they talked for a long time but he doesn't call her. I want you to give me your advice because sometimes I am confused, but no one will ever get me to stop loving my father.

When I told the guy who wanted to fight the other that he can't come back to see me, he said that I should leave and come and live with him.

T.B.

Dear T.B.,

I must give you a word of caution. Turn a blind eye and a deaf ear to any guy who would want you to leave your father's house and shack up with him. If you listen to any man who would encourage you to live with him because your father does not want you to have male visitors at his house, you would be making a terrible mistake. And you would be creating problems for yourself.

You are very fortunate to have a father who loves you and is taking care of you, although you are over 18 years old. Kudos to him. He is a good man. He wants you to have an education. He loves you, don't blow it.

Concerning your boyfriend in Jamaica, you need to always remember that if you are serious about him, you should not play around with other guys. You are trying to encourage your father to become friendly again with your mother and to marry her. I wish you well in your efforts. But your father should not give his girlfriend in America the impression that all is well between them if you succeed in bringing him and your mother together again.

Pastor