Dear Pastor,

I am 32 and I am married. I have one child but I am sure that this child is not for my husband. I used to have a relationship with another man but it wasn't known. We kept it undercover because he was married and his wife and I were good friends. My fiancé was living abroad, so I used to take chances and have sex with this man, who used to help me from time to time.

Two weeks before I got married he was taking me home and he asked me to give him some. I told him that it would be the last time because in two weeks I was going to get married. We had sex. One week after I got married, my husband went back to America. Then I missed my period and later on it was confirmed that I was pregnant. I called my husband and told him that I am pregnant. He told me that he didn't want me to get pregnant so soon, and that is why he pulled out when he was about to ejaculate. I told him that his pulling out didn't work.

strong resemblance

I knew that my friend's husband didn't pull out when we had sex. Both of these men are brown-skinned and I am of a light complexion, too. My husband never questioned me, but I could see a strong resemblance of my son and the other man with whom I had sex. Even his school teacher commented on how my son resembles the man's son who is also in the same class.

Pastor, I don't know what to do because I have tried to get pregnant again, but nothing has happened. My husband said he is satisfied with his one son and when he told me that I cried, but he didn't know why I was crying. He thought it was because I was eager to get pregnant again, but it wasn't that. I cried because I know that my son is not his biological child.

I am asking you to tell me if you believe that it is wise for me to tell him the truth. I don't know what to do. Sometimes I feel like telling my husband, but sometimes I am afraid. I don't know if he cheated on me before we got married, but I can't say that I know he has somebody with me. I am asking you for your advice.

S.B.

Dear S.B.,

I refuse to tell you what to do. It is a decision that you have to make on your own. Your conscience evidently is bothering you. And whether or not you tell your husband, whenever you see your son, you are always going to be reminded of what you have done to cause him to come into this world. I may tell you to tell your husband and after telling him he might beat you, leave you or even kill you.

I know for sure that he will never trust you. He might run you out of his house and tell you to take your child with you. On the other hand, if you were to keep quiet, this man will continue to love and support the boy he believes is his.

Now I know that some people might not agree with my answer, but I repeat, it is a decision that you have to make on your own. I wouldn't even bother to say what you should have done when you were prepared to cheat, because the "horse has gone through the gate already."

Pastor