Dear Pastor,

Keep up the good work. I am an 18-year-old student and I am doing well in school. I want to be successful in life, considering the fact that my family is very poor. I will be attending university next year.

I have a terrible past and God has changed my life to be a better person. I was baptised two years ago, but I have done so many wrong things in my life that I am planning on getting baptised again at another church because my church only believes in one baptism. I want to be fully committed this time, but I need help on how to be a better person.

I have had over 25 boyfriends during my lifetime. Some of my relationships did not last for more than a week. I never had sex with any of these guys, but a few of them have tried to but I refused. To be honest, I don't know if I am a virgin or not and I am just scared to find out if I am not. A few of them fondled me and rubbed their penises on my vagina, but I can't remember any of them penetrating me. If I feel like it was going there, I would push them away. I can't recall bleeding either.

I am just confused. I wish I could just take back those times. At times I want a boyfriend and I want to have sex and at times I don't want to see a boy and to hear the name sex and to just study my schoolwork very hard. I used to talk to a guy and the relationship was on and off and I heard he is with someone else now, but he denied it. We didn't hear from each other for a while and I lost interest in him. I used to date this other guy and we broke up and started talking again and I can't call or text him because he lives with his woman. And when I do, he curses me. I have to wait like weeks to hear from him and I told him that I am going to move on and he said he will leave her soon because I was before her. It has been a while now since I haven't heard from him.

Presently, I am communicating with another guy and I am planning on having sex with him and then we just go our separate ways or stay together. I do have feelings for him, and part of me wants to have sex and the other part doesn't want to. This present guy, I told him I have had sex before and in detail too. When I am with a guy they always say that all I want to do is just talk. I can hardly leave home and I am scared to go out with them and then people spread rumours about me. It is like I want everybody to like me and say good things about me. Please, pastor, I need your advice. I am tired of making wrong decisions in life. Thanks in advance.

Unknown

Dear Unknown,

You are a confused girl, but you are not a bad girl. You are facing the type of temptations that all girls face. You will have to learn that men in general are just prowlers. They believe that it is a 'man thing' to see how many women they can go to bed with. They sweet-talk women with one thing in mind, and that is to have sex with them. So before a girl becomes a teenager, her parents or guardians should teach her how to relate to boys and men who are much older than herself. They should also teach her pride and self-worth and let her know that she can destroy her reputation by allowing men to toy with her body. She should set high standards for herself and practise good morals.

You have done well, apart from playing along with boys. You are fortunate that none of them penetrated you. So, you are still a virgin and you should not lie about it because you do not want to give anybody the impression that you are abnormal because you are a virgin. Some girls who have lost their virginity wish that they had not engaged in sex so soon and would love to have their virginity back.

You do not have to be baptised for the second time. That is not necessary. You have found yourself in a backslidden state, and what is needed is for you to confess your sins and shortcomings to God. If you were to get baptised every time you believe that you have got out of God's will, you would have to perform this act hundreds of times. I, therefore, suggest that you read the First Epistle of John and Hebrews Chapter 12 and ask God to help you to walk circumspectly. Read your Bible and pray every day. And do not put yourself into any situation where you would be tempted to yield to sexual temptations.

Pastor