Dear Pastor,

I am 22 and currently on my final year of university. My boyfriend is ten years my senior and is eager about starting a family and getting married as soon as I am finished with my studies. He treats me okay, but he is a very jealous person and does not like me having male friends around. We have been together for almost four years.

However, I do not think I can handle becoming a parent right now because I have always wanted to establish a career before starting a family. I really love him but I am really confused because I do not know how to tell him that I do not want those responsibilities as yet. He is faithful to me but he just does not express his emotions about love towards me.

Should I go ahead and marry him knowing that I am still unsure about starting a family?

Confused

Dear Confused,

You said that this man is 10 years older than you and he is anxious to get married and to begin a family. However, you are not ready to get married. You should not be afraid to tell him so. You should not get married just to please him. If you do, you will not be happy because you will always feel that you were forced to do something that you did not want to do.

At 32 this man believes that he is getting old and it is time for him to settle down. But as I see it, what both of you should do is to meet with a family counsellor because there are issues that both of you are having that need to be resolved.

If you are afraid to tell this man that you do not wish to get married soon, it means that both of you lack one of the main ingredients of a healthy relationship. And that is, communication. Never feel that you have to follow the whim and fancy of a man to please him, even if it is against your will.

Pastor