Dear Pastor,

I am having a problem and I wish you could give me your fatherly advice. I became a Christian at age 17 and from that day my life has been a complete wreck. My mother didn't want me to get baptised but I insisted on doing so because I was old enough to make decisions of my own. Since then, she curses me for any and everything I do. Even when there was not a problem, she would create one. I tried to stay far from home and stayed closer to my friends to avoid her. Most weekends I visit my friend or spend a month at her place.

One day, I got a call to go to an institution. Because I wasn't working, I was scared to ask her because I know how she would react. I asked a friend for the money and he said I should borrow it, so I borrowed it from her and that was the worst thing ever. She complained about the food she provided and called me names such as dog and john crow. She even cursed me about the pimples I have on my face. Knowing all that, I realised that I was making her life miserable and unhappy, so my only option was to leave her home. I didn't have any close relative with whom I could stay so I moved to the home of a male friend.

We became sexually active and we decided to start a relationship. However, I didn't have any feelings for him so we called it off and he gave me the OK to stay there until I could manage on my own. I got a job which didn't pay well.

will keep his words?

I met another guy and he told me he would help me with school and take care of me financially if I would become his girlfriend. I told him what was happening in my life and he said if I wanted to move he could rent a place for me to live. I told him I would stay at my friend's place and he said OK. Now, I am going to school and working in his office and he gives me money to finance myself as he said.

Do you think this man will keep his words? Please tell me which is better. Should I rent a house or stay by my friend? I am OK and free to do what pleases me at my friend's house.

I am looking forward to hearing from you.

S.C., St Elizabeth

Dear S.C.,

Your mother has not treated you well. And I could understand why you felt that it was better for you to leave her house than to continue to suffer the abuse every day. Unfortunately, you became sexually involved with a man you did not love. On the other hand, both of you came to an understanding that you could continue to live at his house without continuing to have an intimate relationship with him. Not many men would have allowed that. But he has demonstrated maturity and understanding.

The other man is helping you financially and sending you to school. I do not know how long he will continue to do so. He knows your situation and why you are living at the man's house. If you were to leave and have your present boyfriend rent a place for you to live, you might have to depend on him totally, not only for food but also for shelter. And if he stops supporting you, you might find yourself out in the cold. If you believe that what you are earning can pay your rent and your school fees, etc., you may think of declaring your independence. But the owner of the house in which you are now living understands your situation and is not harassing you sexually, so it might not be wise for you to be anxious to leave there.

Pastor