Dear Pastor,

I am struggling with a problem for the past 5_^1/2 months. I am a young Christian woman and I have never had sex. There are two men in the church who are brothers and one of them likes me, but I love his brother more than him. The one I love ignores me, but the other is always saying nice things to me.

One day we were together and I mentioned that I needed a laptop and he bought it for me. I was so surprised. Sometimes I cannot sleep. My mind is on his brother. His brother has never asked me out, but I just love him. He sings on the choir. And while I am in church I am always staring at him. And I put myself in a position so that he must say hello to me after church. And even if he greets me, he moves on.

Pastor, I am wondering if it is wrong to write to him and tell him that I admire him very much. I wouldn't want him to show his brother the letter because they may just laugh at me. I am a teacher and the young people in the church look up to me. I am a role model to many of them. I don't want this young man to turn me down and for people to know that he rejected me. And suppose he turns me down, would it be wrong for me to begin a relationship with his brother?

I am confused. I would like to get married and settle down and have children. Could you please help me?

A.N.

Dear A.N.,

First of all let me be frank with you by saying you have not been doing anything wrong by admiring this young man who sings on the choir at your church. You are in a sticky position, so to speak, because the one you love has not been showing interest in you, but his brother is. And he has expressed his interest in you by purchasing a laptop for you.

I would not be surprised if these brothers have discussed you. After all, they are brothers and they probably talk about relationships and the type of women that they would wish to marry. The one you admire so much might have told the other how much you stare at him and the other could have mentioned that he bought you a laptop and that he likes you.

I do not believe that you should write either of them. You should be patient. And if either of them should ask you to go out on a date, do so. It is however unlikely that the one who is not showing interest in you would invite you on a date. It would be very embarrassing if you were to write to him and tell him how you feel about him and for him to reject you.

Please bear in mind that nothing is wrong in secretly admiring someone of the opposite sex. Many women have admired men for years, but the men never knew about it.

And many men have admired women for years but did nothing about it. And sometimes after other men have married these women, the guys regretted that they did not propose to these women.

Some men do not like women who take the initiative and openly express to them that they love them. I know that many people believe that nothing is wrong with it. Time they say have changed. But there are many who still believe that it is the man's prerogative to make the first approach. So, my dear, time will tell which of these men will take the initiative and ask you for a date. Perhaps none will. The one who bought you the computer might have done so because he is in a position to do so and he knew that you were in need of one. Don't read more into that. His motive might be pure.

Be a good Christian and try to concentrate on worshipping God when you go to church.

Pastor