Dear Pastor,

I am 23 and living in Jamaica. I was living in America, but I was deported. I got involved with a woman since coming back to Jamaica. She helped me to get settled, but she doesn't have any ambition. My parents, who are living in America, send me money and asked me to try and save some of it to do business. They even talked to my girlfriend, but this girl wants me to spend all the money on her every week to do her nails and to buy false hair.

She has two children, but they are not living with us. They are living with their father. I spoke to the father of the children when he brought them to spend a weekend with us, and he told me that I would soon find out that she was not a nice woman. I found that out on my own. She has many boyfriends. And when I have gone out to work, she leaves after me and she can never give me an account of where she went.

Other women find me attractive, but I am afraid to get involved with them and I don't want to be ungrateful to this woman because she has helped me to get on my feet. Sometimes I ask her if she sells her body because she has been seen in certain places where prostitutes hang out. I cannot say I love her. I am just thankful that she was there for me when I came back to Jamaica and I was very depressed. I know that I may have to leave her because she uses all my money and my parents think I am saving to buy a car and use it as a taxi, but all my money is being wasted.

How can I deal with this issue?

M.L.

Dear M.L.,

I know that you are grateful to the woman for the kindness that she has extended to you. I understand how difficult it could be for a deportee to adjust to a lifestyle that he/she is not accustomed to. Some deportees have done very well, and some have almost become a liability to society.

This young lady is aware that you are receiving help from your parents. But it does not appear that she is willing to join in with you to make sacrifices and live within your means, or better yet, below your means, so that your goals could be realised. She is prepared to have you spend every cent that you receive on things that are not necessary. She believes in the bling-bling clothes and accessories, etc. Your parents are going to be very upset with you when they come to realise that you have not saved any of the money that they sent to you.

You are not in love with this young woman, and I doubt that she is in love with you. This is a relationship of convenience. She helped you, but she is not doing so for free. She might even look at this relationship and say that it is a relationship with benefits. No love is in this relationship.

Therefore, I suggest that as soon as you can, leave this woman and move on. It is said that when a man's hand is in a lion's mouth, he should take time and draw it out. There is no future with this woman, so get out of her life as soon as possible!

Pastor