Dear Pastor,

I am a young woman and I have been dating a young man for over three years. The relationship has been going very well. I am an American and he is Jamaican. He is a tall, strong, handsome and educated black man. He is very neat and he is the envy of my girlfriends. One of my girlfriends shocked me by suggesting that she join us in bed so that we could have a threesome. I told her to forget it because I would not share my man with my friends or with any woman. I told my boyfriend what she said, and to my horror, he responded that he would like that.

I found out a month later that my man went in search of her and took her out behind my back. She told some of her friends what a romantic date they had, and the news got back to me. That caused me to search his phone, and that is something that I never did before. I saw some sexy messages from her, and he responded to all of them by saying that he was madly in love with me, so one date with her was enough and he would never do it again.

Begged me to forgive him

Pastor, that made me feel so good to know that I could trust him. This girl cannot be my friend anymore. My boyfriend begged me to forgive him and also cautioned me not to let her know that I was aware of what had gone on.

When I was 17, one of my older relatives forced me to have sex with him, and I did. I swore that I would not have anything to do with a man. When I met my boyfriend and he told me how much he admired me and wanted me to be his friend, I told him I did not trust men, but he has turned out to be a good man. I will do anything for him. Although we are not married, I feel as if we are. When I told him that I was forced to have sex with another man and that I felt soiled, he told me that he would remove the stains and I should never mention it again.

This girl who went out with him must know that I will not give up my man. All my friends read your column, so I am sure she will see this letter and don't get on my wrong side.

N.

Dear N.,

It is good to hear from an American woman that her Jamaican man is trustworthy and she is prepared to fight to keep him. When you told him that your girlfriend wanted you to engage in a threesome, which would include her, and he remarked that that would be good, he was probably joking. The question that is puzzling is, why did he contact the young woman and take her on a date? Whatever might be his reason, he realised that she could not walk in your shoes, neither could she take your place.

Accept what your fiancé told you and try to strengthen the good relationship that both of you enjoy. I am indeed happy to know that he has been treating you as a lady. And I hope that in the near future, both of you will get married and build a family. Best wishes to both of you.

Pastor