I am a frequent reader of your column. I see where you have helped many people. I am living in St Catherine and I have a girlfriend who lives in St Ann. She is 19. Whenever I go to see her, her parents are always questioning me about marriage. She is a Christian, but I am not. We have only been friends for nine months. We had sex only once. She said she cannot do it anymore because it was too painful.

When I met her she said she was a virgin. But when we had sex it didn't appear that way to me because the way she carried on, a virgin wouldn't carry on like that. I asked her if she enjoyed having sex with me and that is when she told me that I am big. Every time I go to see her, her parents ask me what I took for them. I am not in love with them, I am in love with their daughter, so why do they expect me to take things for them?

back to school

My girlfriend is not working and since we have been friends I have given her $30,000. I don't know what to do because she always wants me to give her more money. She is a pretty brown girl and she is planning to go back to school. It is hard to travel to see her, and when I go I can't get to spend much time with her. I asked her father why he wants her to get married and she will be going to college, and he told me that he would prefer to see us get married than for me to get her pregnant. I told him I would not do that.

But, Pastor, because she is living so far away, I am losing interest in her. One of my co-workers and I have become very close. She is engaged to be married but her fiancé is away and we have had sex a few times and she told me when her boyfriend comes she will marry him and then she will divorce him and marry me. Sometimes I feel confused because I love my girlfriend but we are not spending enough time together.

H.M.

Dear H.M.,

Tell the parents of your girlfriend that you are not ready to get married. Tell them you do not know their daughter well enough to make such a commitment to her. You are under no obligation to give her parents gifts, so you should not feel pressured by them to do so. They are sending you the wrong message. They are giving the impression that you would have to take care of them if you were to marry their daughter.

I understand how eager they are to see their daughter married, but they should not push you. I get the impression that you do not believe that this young woman is speaking the truth. She might have had sex with other men and was not a virgin when you met her. Whether she had sex before or not, both of you need more time to get to know each other and should also seek premarital counselling.

You are going to get yourself in trouble if you don't stop having sex with your co-worker. She is not a good woman. She is not being faithful to her fiancé. Both of them are engaged and he is planning to come to Jamaica and marry her. She shouldn't be having sex with you and you shouldn't be encouraging her to do so.

Please end this relationship now. And if you continue to have doubts about your girlfriend who lives in St Ann, you should end that relationship too and give yourself time to find someone new and in whom you have confidence.

Pastor