Dear Pastor,

I am a regular reader of your column and I enjoy it every time I read it. I am married and my husband says that I should not read your column because by reading it, I would learn how to deal with him. He said that you encourage women to leave their men.

Pastor, you have opened my eyes. One day, I was listening to your show, and you said that no woman should allow a man to abuse her and if she knew what to do, he would never raise his hand and beat her again. I didn't know what you meant, but when I went to the river to wash I was talking to some other women about what you said and they told me what you meant. I thank you for opening my eyes. You are a god-sent man.

My husband carries on when he drinks. He even curses bad words before the children. But when he is sober, he is the nicest man to be around. We play together and enjoy ourselves with the children. I bake and I use rum, but I have to hide it because if he sees it he will drink out all of it. He doesn't gamble or smoke and he doesn't go to the bar and spend out all his money, but he likes to drink.

We have been married for 15 years, and only once I had to fight a woman over him. I was going home and I saw him talking to a woman, but he didn't see me. And when I didn't see him come home I went back to where I saw him and caught him having sex with the woman in her living room, on the floor. She begged me not to say anything to her boyfriend. And until this day I haven't said a word to him. For the whole week she begged me pardon. My husband was vexed with me because I made up noise and my neighbours asked me what happened. I told them to ask him.

Pastor, please keep up the good work and may God bless you.

R.P.

Dear R.P.,

Your husband is suffering from a guilty conscience and that is why he prefers to have you in ignorance. He doesn't want you to be informed. I am not afraid to speak the truth, but I know that some people do not like to hear the truth. I respect women and I encourage women to respect their men. I do not believe that women should abuse men whether physically or verbally. And I do not believe that a good man would abuse his woman and walk over her as a door mat.

Every woman should stand up for her rights. Every woman should empower herself that she wouldn't have to rely on a man to totally support her.

Your husband has a drinking problem. He might not want to admit that he is an alcoholic, but he is. Perhaps he should contact Rise Life Management Services. You may call them at 1-888-991-4146. You are a wise woman. Your husband has made some mistakes, but both of you have learnt to forgive each other. Help him with his drinking problem and please write me again.

Pastor