Dear Pastor,

I am a regular reader of your column and I must say that you are doing an excellent job. My boyfriend is 20 and I am a 17-year-old girl living in Portland. I love my boyfriend very much. If any man calls or texts me, he would bring up a big argument and if I see him with any of his ex-girlfriends I shouldn't say anything to him. He is my first boyfriend and I told him he will be my last if he breaks my heart.

He was the one who taught me love. He said he is not cheating but his friends and other people told me that he is. He said that I should stop listening to "hear say". When I go to a party and I dance with two of my friends, the next day he can tell me who I was dancing with and who I was talking to. Sometimes I am just sick and tired of his game. If I do anything that he doesn't like, he would spite me by doing worse.

My family doesn't like him

Some of my aunts and grandaunts don't like me because of him. He is sweet and nice when he wants to be. My mother has a shop so sometimes I help her in it and he would send one of his nieces to ask me for something to eat and I would send it to him. I have stopped now because I figure that he is taking advantage of me by always sending people and not sending any money. He is working for four years now. If I should give him a gift for his birthday and he doesn't like it, he would give it to his friends, so I stopped giving him things.

My mother knows about us and she said that I shouldn't date him because she was dating his brother and it didn't work out between them. My mother doesn't like him, neither any of my family members. One of my cousins was dating him and she doesn't speak to me. Everyone says that it is because of my boyfriend. He is always hurting me and I don't think he is the one for me because he always makes me cry.

I am madly in love with him but at the same time I am very unhappy. Please give me your advice because I really don't know what to do.

M.J.

Dear M.J.,

You should listen to your mother and end the relationship with this man. Your mother was having an intimate relationship with his brother and she cannot be pleased seeing her daughter having an intimate relationship with the brother of her former lover. That does not look clean and proper.

Both families are mixed up and you should see that something is indeed wrong. One of your cousins had an intimate relationship with your boyfriend so why did you get involved with him?

This guy is also a user. Bring this relationship to an end, and do it now. If you continue in this relationship you are going to embarrass your mother and the people in the community will not respect you.

Pastor