I am a 17-year-old Christian girl and I finished school over a year now. I am having a problem. I got involved with a school leaver who was 19 years old and I was 15. This relationship didn't last for more than one year and a month because I thought this guy didn't want to settle down. While I was with this guy I met another guy three months in the relationship. I didn't have sex with him but I had sex with the 19-year-old guy. He is now 21 years old.

When I first met the 19-year-old guy, I told him that I was a virgin but he didn't believe me. He told me that I was lying because I didn't bleed and that I had sex with other men. But the truth is, he was the first man that I had sex with.

The next guy I met had a conversation over the phone with my boyfriend, who is now my ex-boyfriend, and after that my ex started to avoid my calls and texts. I cursed the other guy for what he did because it is not like I didn't tell him that I have a boyfriend, and that I can't be in a relationship with him. I love the 19-year-old very much but this new guy caused us to break up. So I started a relationship with the new guy who was 27 years old at the time.

During our relationship I found out that he was a liar. He lied about a lot of things. He was very arrogant and jealous of me that sometimes I was even afraid of him. He doesn't show any interest in me anymore. He was the only guy I put my trust in and had unprotected sex with more than once. He even beat me twice because of jealousy. He lied to me and told me that he didn't have any children, and then I found out that he has a daughter.

My family members always tell me that he is not a good man but I didn't listen because I was just looking someone to give all my heart, get married to and settle down with. We have been talking for about eleven months now and I have made up my mind to be single until I find the right person.

I am not working but looking about a business I am going to start. I think I am making the right decision in leaving this guy because I am afraid that he might put me in my grave very soon. All these things are giving me sleepless nights because I love him very much. I think I might be pregnant for him, but I am not sure as yet.

Please give me your advice and tell me what you think about my plans.

L.N., Clarendon

Dear L.N.,

I hope that you would end the relationship with this 27-year- old man who is abusing you. You are quite correct, if you remain in this relationship he might put you in your grave. No one should stay in an abusive relationship.

You are too young to be encountering so many problems with men. But you are old enough to know that you should not be having unprotected sex. You can hardly help yourself. And by having unprotected sex, the possibility exists that you can become pregnant at any time.

The young man with whom you had sex the very first time was not aware that a girl does not have to bleed when she has sex as a virgin. That is why he thought that you were lying.

I hope that you would indeed end the relationship with this abusive man and that you would try to go back to school. What you need in your life right now is not a man. You need an education.

Pastor