Dear Pastor,

I am a regular reader of your column in the Star. I need your advice as soon as possible. I am 18 years old and I am going through a lot of stress for the past three years. I am an intelligent student; I have obtained eight CXC subjects and I sat four CAPE subjects recently.

I used to think that girls my age normally like smart and intelligent guys, but it is not so. They like guys who are working and are strong with big muscles. I have been in so many relationships but they always turn out that the girls that I have been with all cheated on me.

My so-called best friend has a boyfriend who is five years older than her and she shows him more attention than me. I would buy her gifts and she never buys me anything, instead she spends her money on her boyfriend. She came out of another relationship recently and I was there for her. She met her present boyfriend two weeks after she broke up with her ex. She is a Christian and she doesn't date guys her age. She treats me well when her boyfriend is busy.

I had a crush on this girl from the first time I laid my eyes on her. She is everything I need. She had her heart broken by a boy who I would call a fool. She would cook, clean and iron his clothes for him and she would never ask him for money at all.

She thinks that all men are dogs and that they will do the same as what her ex-boyfriend did to her. Pastor, I love this girl and to be honest, I want to marry her. But she is scared to get back in a relationship. I told her that I will not hurt her and that I need her, but she only wants us to be friends. I am always there for her whenever she needs help, yet she doesn't want to give me a chance.

Sometimes I feel like I am ugly because girls turn me down and say that they only see me as a friend. And whenever I am in a relationship, the girls always cheat on me. I feel lonely every day. I always help my friends but they never seem to have time to help me. I am alone at home five days of the week if I don't go to school. Sometimes I feel like killing myself because nobody wants a guy like me. They keep on telling me that I will find that right girl, but I don't believe that.

I am a Christian and I have been praying about my problems for two years now and nothing has changed. I watched how hard my mother has to work to put food in the house, pay the bills and rent. I wish I could get a summer job and help her, but money is not my problem. My problem is finding a girl who will love me and always be there for me, but I guess I have to be cute and strong since no girl wants a smart guy like me. I am a good guy and I am athletic, but that does not seem to work.

I feel like I don't belong to this world, so please help me, pastor.

R.B.

Dear R.B.,

I have to be frank with you. From the tone of your letter, I am convinced that you are not ready to have a serious relationship with any young woman. You are immature and any intelligent young woman would sense that. You are 18 years old but that does not mean that you are ready for any serious relationship. You should give yourself time to grow up and to mature. And you should not believe that every girl will be anxious to have you as her boyfriend because you are kind.

The young lady that you presently love so much only wants you as a social friend. You should accept that and learn to appreciate her. You shouldn't consider her silly for rejecting you.

Some guys take a long time to mature. But when they do, everybody will see it and the girls will run after them. And that is likely to happen to you. One of these days you wouldn't have to beg for friendship. The girls will constantly call your phone and you will have to learn how to deal with them.

One more thing before I go. This girl has her boyfriend. Don't try to do or say anything to her that would give her the impression that you want her to end the relationship with her man and come to you. And please learn to socialise in groups. You don't have to stay home and mope because you don't have a special girlfriend. Go out in groups and have clean fun. And remember, the time is going to come when you will have so many girls admiring you, you wouldn't know what to do.

Pastor