Dear Pastor,

I am having a big problem that is driving me crazy and I can't take it anymore. I am a Jamaican living in the USA. I am in my 40s and I met an American man who is in his 50s. A few months after we met, we got married. We never took the time to get to know each other.

My friends and family members encouraged me to marry him because they thought he was a nice and kind person, but now I am seeing a different side of him. We are not living together as yet because I work in a different state. I go home every two weeks to spend time with him. Sometimes when I am there, I feel like a total stranger in the house.

He is not a romantic person. He doesn't like to kiss or hug. When we are having sex, the only thing he does is to suck my breasts like a goat kid. When I am home on weekends, we would have sex on the first night, and that's it. If we happened to have sex a second night, I would have to be the first person to make a move. Sometimes when I am trying to reach out to him, he would tell me that I am forcing things and he is not used to this type of lifestyle. At nights he would turn his back and sometimes he would give me a kiss on my lips.

I always buy him gifts but he never buys me any, not even on special days. I am hurting so much. I am so lonely and empty on the inside. A lot of men want to have relationships with me but I am not a cheater. I take my vows seriously. I know it is not my fault. I am a clean woman. I asked my husband if I have faults, and he said that I am the complete package.

I don't know what to do. I can't tell anyone what I am going through. My life is hell. My blood pressure went up the other day and I ended up in hospital. I have to be taking pressure pills now.

Please give me your advice.

M.G., U.S.A.

Dear M.G.,

This man and you did not attend pre-marital counselling before you got married, so some of the things, such as hugging and kissing, that he is not doing would have been discussed during counselling. He is in his 50s and is set in his ways, so to speak; therefore, it would be difficult to get him to change. However, hope is not lost. If he would be willing for both of you to go to see a counsellor, and he goes with an open mind, the counselling can be very helpful.

On the other hand, he might believe that nothing is wrong with him and the relationship between the both of you is good, so no counselling is needed. If he takes that position, you would not be happy. So please tell him how you feel and that you believe that both of you need professional help. Do not keep silent. You are having problems and you should seek help.

Pastor