Dear Pastor,

I hope you are doing well. At the age of 13 I was baptised and have been living for the Lord since. I am a graduate of a prominent teachers' college. I got married to a church brother and the marriage produced two children. My marriage was a constant struggle because my husband did not try to adjust. He did not spend much time at home with his family. He was also abusive. I tried many times to talk to him but he wouldn't listen.

Last year his uncle gave him a trip abroad. Before he left, he told me all the plans he had for the children and me. However, he was telling people on the outside a different story. One church sister told me he said he would not come back to me, but stay in England and support his children. He was not accepted in the country, so he came back after two days.

As the year went by, the relationship got worse. We weren't communicating at all. He started sleeping out and sleeping in the living room. Senior members in the church tried to encourage him, but he would make every effort to avoid anyone who would give him wise counselling.

One day he said to me that I was grown in the church and I am sheltered and that if he meets a woman who loves him and has money, he would go after her to get money to take home. I was shocked when he said that.

Finally, one day I said to him that we should make plans for the children and our future, and that I cannot continue to live my life in misery. I further told him he should seek professional help or forget about me. He told me I was the easiest thing to forget and he had done so a long time ago. I told him he was just walking around like a boy without responsibility, and he said I was walking around like a whore in New Kingston. Right there, in my mind, the relationship ended. I grew up in church hearing it was wrong to divorce and remarry. I made up my mind I was going to divorce this man, and no one could tell me what to do.

divorce

He went to Kingston and was living with a woman. I sent the children to him for holidays. He took the vehicle from me, sold it and was pressuring me to sell the house so he could get a portion of the money. He started filing for a divorce on the grounds that I was having an affair and he could not cope with it, but I didn't contest it in court. We met with the judge and he ordered him to pay maintenance.

My colleagues stood by me and helped throughout my struggles. I believe I have survived this long because I did not keep everything to myself.

I listen to your programme every night on the radio and get strength, courage and wisdom from listening. I also love your no-nonsense attitude towards men who abuse women. Keep up the good work.

A.

Dear A.,

I am glad your friends stood by you and were a source of encouragement during the struggles you had with your husband. I am sure when you got married you thought that because you had met your husband in the church, and both of you professed Christianity, your marriage would have been successful. However, your husband proved not to be faithful and loyal.

Therefore, you should wish him well and pray that God's will be done in your life. You couldn't have continued with this man who did not respect you and basically called you a whore. The Good Lord will help you. It might be that there is a brighter future for you with somebody else. You have done nothing wrong, so please don't fret about the failure of your marriage. Make sure you take good care of your children and yourself.

Pastor