Dear Pastor,

Greetings to you. I am writing to you about some problems I am having with my woman. She keeps on reading my letters and text messages that I send to friends abroad. After she reads them, she nags me a lot. I don't know what to do. I am trying hard to please her. She is 44 and I am 34. No matter how I try to convince her that I am no longer doing the things that I used to do, she doesn't want to let go of them.

I used to smoke, chase women and constantly lie. And now that God has given me a second chance, I am holding on to Him. I finally decided that now is the time to answer to His call. My wife died of cancer and I am not working at present, but I am seeking a job. My woman and I operate a business, but I have five children to maintain. I have them with five different mothers and it is rough, but God is giving me help along the way.

always pressuring me

My children's mothers are always pressuring me for money every time the children are ill. As soon as I give them the money, I don't hear from them and how the children are doing.

I go to church and preparation classes regularly. I am still learning, but the minister of the church has seen hope in my eyes and my mother's church sisters are praying for me. My faith is now blooming and things can only get better.

Keep up the good work and may God continue to bless you.

J.F., St. Andrew

Dear J. F.,

You seem to be a man who is determined to do well. Unfortunately, your wife passed on and the woman with whom you are having a relationship is not very cooperative. She does not believe that you have ceased running around and chasing skirts. She doesn't trust you. That is why she reads everything that you write and does not respect your privacy. She is not behaving as if she is a wise woman.

She knows that you are trying to serve the Lord and that you are attending preparation classes at church and you are growing in spiritual things. Instead of criticising and condemning you, she should be encouraging you.

This woman is treating you as if she is your mother. But even intelligent mothers know that they ought not to be controlling. She seems to be the type of person who wants to know everything that you are doing. And because she does not trust you, she snoops around. This is not a healthy relationship, but it can improve if both of you receive professional help and understand that even in a relationship there are boundaries that one should not cross.

Brother, you are going to have a difficult time supporting your children, but I believe that you are doing your very best. Don't be discouraged. However, it would be unwise for you to father more children. Your children will grow up and bless you for supporting them. Although the mothers only call you when they have needs, I suggest that you try to keep in touch with all the children every week. Even if you don't have any money to give the children, make sure you find out how they are doing. And please remember to pray for them.

Pastor