Dear Pastor,

I am asking for your advice. I am 22 and have a three-year-old child, but the father hasn't been giving me anything for the baby. When the baby was born, he contributed for the first three months, but after that, I was on my own. I got a job after but I had to leave it because of the hours.

I broke up with him, but we got back together. After three months, he told me that a girl was pregnant for him. He told me that it was when we broke up, he got involved with her, but he is not sure if he is the father, so I accepted what he said. But things were still bad between us. He always chose to hang out at the bar with his friends rather than with me and his child. And he had other women calling his phone, so we broke up again. We started to have an on-and-off relationship, but I couldn't take it anymore, so I decided to end the relationship permanently.

After a couple of months, I started hanging out with another guy who I grew up with. But the thing is that he and my child's father are friends. I didn't know they were friends until my child's father and I started seeing each other again. Well, the guy I grew up with likes me, and after hanging out with him almost every day, I started to like him too. We started going out, and one day, we were outside my gate and my mother saw us kissing and she called me inside and said she was upset with me. She asked me if that was the type of family I wanted to be in.

His family is always cursing and they don't really live well with each other. He has never been involved in arguments with them. He is more of a quiet guy, and he doesn't really pay them any mind when they are cursing. He doesn't know that my child's father isn't supporting me with funds.

I am confused about what to do because my mother is saying that I shouldn't be involved with him. She doesn't have a problem with him, just the family. But I am not going to be with the family, just him. She is saying that it would be an embarrassment to be part of his family, but I really like him. He treats me well so far, but I am scared of what my mother would think of me. What should I do? Please help me.

Confuse 101

Dear Confuse 101,

I would encourage you to listen to your mother. There are some families that are not good. They don't have good morals. They are warmongers. They are involved in all sorts of wrongs, including dealing in drugs and criminal activities.

Therefore, I am whole-heartedly supporting your mother. You should understand that although you believe that you are going to be with the man only, that would never work. If you were to marry him, you are going to become part of his family and he is going to become part of yours. That is how a marriage works.

This man is also a friend of your child's father. He is not a good choice. Learn to listen, otherwise you may just wreck yourself. If your child's father continues to neglect his child and not support him/her, you should consider taking him to court for child support.

Pastor