Dear Pastor,

I am an American citizen and my husband is a Jamaican citizen. We fell in love very quickly. We have been together almost two years now and you officiated at our wedding last year. Ever since I have known my husband I have always had to push him to get things done. He loves to procrastinate and he has a habit of putting himself before his family.

We argue all the time because I feel like I am raising another child and teaching him to be a man and love me the right way, and it is very stressful. His lacking in responsibility and lacking in maturity is causing a strain on our marriage and also prolonging the day I file for his papers.

It is stressful for me to have a husband who knows my body parts better than he knows me. It is stressful to have a husband and when his birthday comes around and Christmas comes around, I send him money and I have never got a thing from him. He hasn't even sent me a birthday card. I am not a materialistic person and I would have loved the simplest thing like a card, even if he made it himself.

My woman intuition sometimes tells me he is holding on to something in Jamaica, but I will never know the truth. Some days, I love him and some days I just want to "dash him weh." I love my husband dearly and I can't see myself with anyone else but him. But he is killing my heart and soul and he knows this. The more this dysfunction goes on, the more he is pushing me away from him. And sooner than later, I will leave him.

Please help me, Pastor. Please guide me in the right direction to save my marriage.

Disappointed Wife

Dear Disappointed Wife,

I am very concerned about what you said. Evidently distance has impacted upon your relationship. Your husband is in Jamaica and you are in America. And you do not feel connected to him. You feel as if you are a stranger to him. Unfortunately, from what you have said, he does not seem to know how to make you, his wife, feel wanted and appreciated. It does not take a lot of money for a man to buy a card and to express his love to his wife.

You would understand that your husband is not in a position to support you in a very tangible way. But if he is not doing anything at all, like sending small gifts to you from time to time, you will feel that he does not care. Perhaps he wants to help you financially, but he is unable to do so.

I cannot make excuses for him, but it seems to me that both of you do not communicate very well. I could assure you that whenever you come to Jamaica, that I will make myself available to meet with the both of you for counselling sessions. In the meantime, be assured of my prayers.

Pastor