Dear Pastor,

I am a frequent reader of your column and I must commend you on the wonderful work that you are doing to offer advice to those who need it the most. I am a 27-year-old woman and I have been with my husband for eight years. We have been married for two and a half years and we have a son together. He has two other children outside.

Three years ago, we moved to a different parish and I thought that things would get better because we had been having some problems before we moved. The fact of the matter is, he is a good father and a good provider but he cheats a lot. I noticed that he has been texting his babymother back and forth and the nature of the messages are somewhat sexual.

The thing is that she is in a very good job and she makes a good amount of money, so I don't know if he is just using her to get money because she loves him. I am working but my salary is not as much as hers. I work $50,000 per month.

From searching his phone, I also noticed that he has been looking a whole bunch of different women by telling them things like he wants to have sex with them, to date them, spend time with them, and he wants to suck their breasts, and so on.

Pastor, I am confused. I have told him on more than one occasion that he needs to set an example for his kids and that if he wasn't ready for marriage he shouldn't have got married in the first place because it is a serious commitment.

This man is my first love. He is the one who took my virginity and I love him dearly. I have never cheated on him and I have been a very good wife to him. But I don't think I can live like this forever because I don't want to end up with HIV. I can't even allow myself to be intimate with my own husband because I am constantly imagining him being intimate with someone else.

I have tried my best to make our marriage life exciting and ways to keep him satisfied in the bedroom, because the Bible says that marriage is honourable and the bed is undefiled. I am considering getting a divorce because it doesn't seem as if he is going to change. Please advise me on what to do.

Confused Wife

Dear Confused Wife,

While reading your letter, I was anticipating that you would say that after you realised that your husband has been cheating, that both of you went to see a counsellor. You haven't mentioned that at all and I wonder why you have not sought professional help.

Clearly, your husband has problems. I believe that you have done everything possible to make him happy, but you have not been able to sexually satisfy him. Perhaps he is a sex addict and he needs professional help. Some men do not believe that one woman can satisfy them. These men (sex addict) can have sex two three times a night and with many different women per month and are still not satisfied. Sometimes the thirst for sexual gratification is intense.

You claim that your husband is always telling other women that he wants to have sex with them and that he has always been a cheater. However, you have a big problem. You love him dearly and he has been a good father and a good provider. You would hate to lose him, but your health is at risk.

I hope that this man is not conning other women. He has a child with another woman. Evidently, she still loves him and she is likely to give him anything that he asks of her. But he is your husband and you shouldn't just give up the fight to keep him. You should not only fight to keep him, but to save him from destruction.

So, what I must urge you to do is to arrange for your husband and you to see a psychologist. If you don't, the marriage will deteriorate. Divorce is the last resort. Don't think about that right now. But at the same time do not have unprotected sex with your husband. If you do so, you would be putting your life at risk.

Pastor