Dear Pastor,

I am a prisoner who has been serving time for more than two decades. I am doing a life sentence. I have two children with two different women. My son was born when I was 18 and my daughter when I was 19. My relationships did not last because I was arrogant.

When I was 20, I got involved with a 16-year-old girl while, at the same time, I was in a gang. I got arrested for murder along with several other gang members, only to find out that my girlfriend was pregnant.

Her mother who had two other children forced her to have an abortion because it was alleged that her mother's babyfather had raped her.

I couldn't convince my girlfriend not to do the abortion. She was so distraught, but she refused to give up on me.

We applied to the prison authorities and got married. This marriage was an impossible dream and, in a short while, she had an affair, which led to her having a child with a white man.

Eventually the marriage failed. We got a divorce and she joined the police force and tried to succeed in life. She bought a nice house in London and was with her younger boyfriend.

We kept in touch and she would send me money. I have a mobile phone. On the anniversary of when we first me, I received a call from her. That was four years after our divorce. She wanted me to know that she was getting married but she did not tell me she was seeing a police officer. She said she wanted to see me one last time.

She actually waited until I progressed through the prison system, from security category to open prison, which is the lowest security option. I was allowed out of prison on day release. She said she would travel from London to where the open prison was located, book a hotel room and we would go shopping and then make love for a few hours.

intense and risky

The sexual relationship was intense and adventurous, but risky. I have opened a can of worms. She said that she can't stop loving me. She is completely obsessed with me. Sometimes we have phone sex.

Her husband found one of my letters and he was angry, but she has refused to give me up. I have no release date. I can only be freed on the discretion of the parole board. Pastor, why can't we give up each other?

Troubled Prisoner, London

Dear Prisoner,

Please try and control yourself. This woman has now married another man. She said she wanted to meet with you for the last time before getting married and, somehow, both of you eventually did. She should not have met with you, but that is already done.

By meeting with you, she stirred up your flesh again. Perhaps she felt you deserved a goodbye. You see it as a renewal of the relationship. Now her husband knows everything and, to save her marriage, she likely has to lie. I urge you to end this relationship. Do not write to this woman again. Serve your time and conduct yourself well while you are in prison.

Pastor