Dear Pastor,

I am writing to you with tears in my eyes. I used to have a man who lives overseas. It has been almost a year now since we have seen each other. We used to talk very often, like three or four times a day, and I even give him phone sex to help him relax his mind, but I don't like it. I just did it for him to feel good.

The problem is that he has a lot of friends and I know a lot of people, since recently, have been telling him a lot of things about me. If I go on the road or if I go to parties, he knows. If they see me talking to a man, he knows. He would call and accuse me of cheating. It really hurts me because he believes everything they tell him, and calls me all kinds of degrading names.

Pastor, I have cried and prayed about it and asked him to stop believing people. After a while, he stopped and said he would give me another chance, but I have to change my lifestyle, which includes stop going to parties, not having friends and stop going on the road. I told him I can't do all of what he was asking because I have to socialise.

Anyway, we started on a new page, but it got worse. He asked me for phone sex and I didn't agree. He got upset, hung up his phone and sent me some dirty texts. It has been almost a month now since we haven't spoken to each other, and it is killing me because I do love and care about this guy. I miss him but he can't accept me for who I am. He sees me the way people describe me.

Pastor, I love this man and I would love for the relationship to work. However, I am afraid to call him because I don't know how he is going to react. I need your advice. Right now I am not cheating on him. I don't need to because he takes good care of me. I don't even feel for sex. I hardly go to parties, but I still party. I love this man and am praying he will just stop listening to people and let our relationship work.

I am awaiting your advice.

Desperate Heart, St Catherine

Dear Desperate Heart,

Your boyfriend is demanding too much. In fact, he is behaving as if he is a kid. He is not a mature man. It is unfair for him to be asking you to quit doing everything you love. I am glad you are not yielding to his foolish behaviour.

A man may make suggestions to his woman, but his woman should be allowed to accept or reject them. Silly men believe when women go out to parties without them, they are going to have sex with other men. I think you should still go out and have fun. Your man has to learn to trust you and stop listening to people who don't like you.

You have expressed how much you love him, but that should not cause him to believe he can rule your life. However, you may suggest to him that both of you should see a family counsellor. Perhaps he feels he is the ruler of your life because, from time to time he gives you money.

Pastor