Dear Pastor,

I am writing to you with tears in my eyes. Nevertheless, I enjoy reading your column and I think you are doing a great job. I am 18 years old and I lost my virginity when I was 16.

The problem is that I am in love with this guy who is 10 years older than I am. We have been together for three years now, and during the three years I got pregnant by this guy but I terminated the pregnancy. Because, at the time I became pregnant I was in my last year in high school and I wasn't ready for a child.

In any case, I think he has lost love for me. He has stopped telling me that he loves and misses me and he stopped calling as often as he used to or he should be doing. He doesn't call me all the nice names at all and whenever I talk to him about it, his remarks are that I must not try to control him. He even stopped telling me where he is going.

calls coming in

I know when he is cheating because he has stopped doing all the things he used to do for me. On more than one occasion he has cheated on me and it hurts me deeply, but I still forgave him.

But what hurts me the most is that I introduced my cousin to him and all of a sudden one day when I was going through his phone, I saw my cousin's name in his phone and calls coming in from her. When I confronted both of them about it, my boyfriend said that she is his friend and nothing more. And when I confronted my cousin about it, she said that was a lie because she had no communication whatsoever with him.

Pastor, it hurts me deeply inside because I know I can find better but this guy is my first love. So I don't know what to do. Please help me and thank you in advance for your advice.

B.M.

Dear B.M.,

You became sexually active when you were in your early teens. And it is unfortunate that this young man is now treating you as a nobody. His behaviour indicates that probably he has found interest elsewhere. He seems to have outgrown you. That is why he is not showing much interest in you.

I suggest, therefore, that you try your best to get a career. Don't allow his attitude towards you to get you depressed. You are 18 years old and you need to decide what you are going to do with your life. You should definitely go back to school. Don't run after this guy. If you do, you will be depressed every day. Consider him as a friend, but move on with your life.

Pastor