Dear Pastor,

I am a frequent reader of your column in the Jamaica Star newspaper. Keep giving your excellent advice. I write to inform you about a problem I am currently experiencing. I am a 21-year-old young lady from rural Jamaica and attending a prominent university in the island.

A young man in my community, who was a schoolmate and friend of mine for a very long time, would like for me to be his girlfriend. When we were in high school together, he faintly made me become aware of his intentions. However, I found the offer flattering at the time, but decided to decline it since I knew that I was too young for what I consider to be adult endeavours. Also, being from a strong moralistic family with firm and supportive parents, I decided to wait until I became an adult.

Since being here at school and upon returning home, I met him on the street one day and we exchanged numbers. A few months ago, we have talked, mostly through texting, about life, the future and had general open conversations. He informed me that he likes me also and would like to take things to the next level.

He is a good guy, not involved in wrongs, smart, handsome and has some qualities which I admire, and are in sync with mine. However, he is not ideally what I am looking for. He is of fair complexion. I like dark complexion men. He is not educated; however, he is smart. His vocabulary and grammar are poor and I have noticed that his English is particularly poor when texting or spelling. He refers to his friends as "Yow dawg," and I don't like that. I told him how I feel, but he is still persistent.

strong Christian guy

There was a time when I felt like I was falling for him. He is ambitious, and wants to become either a math teacher or a soldier, but is finding it difficult to finance himself, and also needs to acquire English language as a subject. I also wanted a strong Christian guy who would help me in my spiritual journey and he has lost his way but wants to go back to Christ. Also, I wanted a guy whose parents are married and who truly understands the unity and significance of family life, like a family structure such as mine. It would make life easier and better. His parents were never married, and he has a poor relationship with his father and hardly speaks about him.

I think I am confused sometimes, because, sometimes I like him, and then I don't. He even started sexting and I played along with it for a while, but I told him it was wrong to do so. I have told him that I don't think I want a relationship with him, and we are Christians who need to reconnect with God. I am a virgin, but he is not. Since that, he has stopped texting me as much as he used to do and I feel like I have hurt his feelings, even though he says he understands and he won't pressure me.

Maybe I am being too judgemental and unrealistic about getting a perfect guy. I don't know.

I, therefore, ask for your advice on how best to approach this situation.

Thanks in advance.

M.

Dear M.,

Keep this young man as a friend, but don't consider him as a special person in your life. He has a long way to go. Encourage him to go back to school and to learn to speak standard English. Be careful not to insult him, but at the same time, don't give him the impression that he should consider you his special girlfriend. You know this man does not suit your criteria. And nothing is wrong in setting standards for yourself and your future.

I wish you well as you study. And may the Lord bless you.

Pastor