Dear Pastor,

I always wanted to write to you but I was afraid because my boyfriend loves to read your column. I am having so many problems, but I am only going to talk about one today. I am a 22-year-old woman and I have been with my present boyfriend for five years and we have a child together.

During those years, he has cheated on me and lied to me, but on the other hand, he has been a wonderful father and he takes care of his home. The only problem I am having is the cheating. I have always been faithful to him. I always try to do the right things for him and always hope that he will change his dirty ways and that we will get married one day. But there was always another guy who is always telling me nice things and wanting to take me out. I have never given him the time of day because of how I felt for my lover.

I decided that I would go out with this other guy while my partner was away. I fell in love with him and we have been going out since. Now, we are having sex and he gave me oral sex and it was my first experience. I loved it and I even love this man more. Since I started seeing this man, I have lost interest in my babyfather. He has noticed the change, but it is hard. I love them both and sometimes I love one more.

Pastor, the problem with this other man is that he is married but separated and I hardly feel like I can have any future with him. I feel guilty because my boyfriend has changed. I have seen so much improvement in him. But I have been waiting so long for him to change and when he has decided to do so, this is when I feel like giving up on him. Most times it's my baby that has kept us together.

Pastor, I need your advice. I am young and I don't want to do anything stupid. Please help me because I don't want to live this double life any longer.

S.

Dear S.,

You have done wrong. You claim that this man only has one major fault, and that is, he is a cheater. You also claim that this other man who admired you tried his best to woo you and you resisted him but finally gave in. Both of you have been having sex regularly. So you have become a cheater too. Now you do not have anything on the man with whom you are living.

Your child's father is a good provider. He loves you and you say you love him. This man who is married caused your head to spin because he had oral sex with you and that is something that your child's father has never done. You liked it so much that you have been going back for more. It is the sex with the man that you find much more enjoyable than with your boyfriend.

You doubt that there is a future with this man. You know now that your boyfriend has changed. It is not too late for you to end the relationship with this married man and try your best to show more interest in your boyfriend.

I will further suggest that you make an appointment for your boyfriend and yourself to meet with a family counsellor. If you don't stop having an affair with this married man, your boyfriend will find out. And when he does, he may tell all your friends that you are not a good woman.

Pastor