Dear Pastor,

I am a 19-year-old girl. I am writing to you about my 23-year-old boyfriend and asking you to tell me what you think is the best solution for me. I have been with this guy for four years. For the past three years he hasn't given me anything. I have stayed with him even when he was not working because I love him and I care so much about him and I know he loves and cares about me too because of his reactions towards me.

But I just think he is mean, even though my mother has been telling me that I am young and I need to find someone that can help me go back to school. Since the beginning of this year, each month end when he gets his pay he has given me seven thousand dollars but, pastor, that can't help me because I'm not working and I'm living with my mother. And she told me that I have to contribute to the running of the house because I have a man. I have been contemplating finding someone else, pastor, because things are not working out with this man. What do you think I should do?

Unhappy Girlfriend

Dear Unhappy Girlfriend,

I understand why you are very unhappy with your boyfriend. You started to have an intimate relationship with this man at a very tender age. You have been faithful to him, but he has not treated you very well. Even when he was not working you stayed with him, but now he is working. And he has not been giving you much financial help. I know you are not in the relationship just for money, but this relationship comes with great benefits to him.

Therefore, he should know that to give you $7,000 each month is a big insult. You are quiet correct. He is a mean man. And your mother is no fool. She knows that you are not making any contribution to the house and she also knows that you are not in a position to send yourself back to school and she can't affords to send you either. Out of frustration, she is telling you to find someone who can help you financially and send you back to school.

face your boyfriend squarely

Now I know that some people would be quick to condemn your mother, but what I believe that she is trying to do is to open your eyes and to tell you that if you were to allow this relationship to continue, you will never reach anywhere. She wants you to get an education and she also would like to see you build a future with a responsible and loving man.

I suggest, therefore, that you face your boyfriend squarely. Put the facts on the table. Tell him how you feel about him and let him know that things cannot go on as usual and that you need more money from him, so that you can take care of yourself and that you need his help to go back to school. I further suggest that you try and get yourself a job and go to evening classes.

Pastor