Dear Pastor,

I am merely 17 years of age and I have dated more guys than my actual age would allow. It is sickening. I started having semi-intimate relationships in 2009. At my age, girls would normally be sexually active; however, I am not and these guys end up leaving me after a period of two months. Since recently, I have realised I may have dated about 15-18 guys. I feel like a big sluttish girl. Out of this lot I have met eight, loved eight and kissed eight. These eight guys and I normally hang out and we go to the park. The remaining few are just normally phone conversations.

overdating

I think I am overdating because most guys I have been with have never had so many girlfriends, but if they keep leaving, shouldn't I just move on? Every other month or so, I meet a new guy and it is the same procedure. I am just not ready for sex. When will I meet a gentleman who is willing to wait? These nowadays men are just seeking girls to have sex with and leave, and I think it is great that I am waiting. Am I wrong?

People say that I am too dependent. I was talking to a friend recently and he thinks I am too dependent for happiness. He says I am depending on friends, family and relationships to find happiness. I think he is right. Maybe that is the reason why I have so many ex-boyfriends. My parents abandon me mentally as if I am not their child. I basically have no family. I have a few friends who I drive away with my drama and boyfriends who leave because they have a sex issue.

How can I stop this when I have no one there for me? Most nights I even cry myself to sleep. It is creating a big problem in my head. I need to stop it. Please give me some advice.

Triple X

Dear Triple X,

I don't want to shock you, but I do want to tell you that you are a good girl and you should stop condemning yourself. You are surely not a silly girl. In fact, you are very intelligent. And you have not allowed the guys who have dated you to use you. Many girls your age who have started to date early, have allowed guys to have their way with them. But you have not done so. So I want you to stop condemning yourself. I want to quickly add that dating guys is not a bad thing to do. Perhaps you started out a little too early, but it is good for young people to go on dates and not be in a hurry to go steady with any one person.

you are smarter

Some guys believe that the moment girls agree to go on a date with them that these girls become their girlfriends. That is far from what should happen. Sometimes a girl may go on a date with a guy and then realise that he is not the type of man she would want to have in her life. The guys you have gone with were eager to have sex with you. That's how some guys operate, but you are smarter than they are. However, you were playing with fire when you allowed them to kiss you, because passionate kisses can turn on a man or woman.

Therefore, I suggest that when you are going out on a date, you desist from kissing or fondling and any form of making out. I repeat, you are not a bad girl. In fact, you are a good girl. I would ask you not to fret over the relationship you have with your parents. Study hard, do well in school. Pray much about a career, and the future in general. Please let me hear from you again.

Pastor