Dear Pastor,

I am a teenage girl who is quite confused and unhappy. Reason being is that I am still in love with my most current ex-boyfriend. He is my first love and I feel that is the reason why almost a year later, I am still in love with him. The thing is he is the first boy to break up with me so I think that maybe affecting me as well, although for the most part I do not feel any way about him being the one to end the relationship as at some point everyone has to be the dumpee.

The relationship was quite short. However, we both fell in love with each other during that time. A short while after the break up we started seeing each other again but it was not official. I felt bad about that because I felt that if people saw us they would discriminate against me, so I told him we should stop (but I didn't really want to). He is a great guy so he did what I wanted, although it was hard for the both of us.

A short while after we stopped seeing each other, he got a girlfriend because he said I moved on, so he should do the same. The relationship I had with another guy was not serious and lasted only a few weeks. My relationship ended early but his didn't. However, we started seeing each other again.

My family knew he had a girlfriend and made me feel bad about the situation, so I tried to stop seeing him but I couldn't. Although he said he loved me, he didn't want us to get back together for reasons I am still not sure of. Because of this, some parts of me felt he was a jerk and just wanted to reap the benefits from me (not sex, I'm a virgin) but it was hard to believe this as he is an amazing guy and I do not believe he is that type at all.

Eventually, one night he was at my house and told me he wanted us to get back together; however, when I asked him about his girlfriend he said he could not leave her like that but he was going to try and make her leave him. Immediately, I knew that would not work, and I got angry because I felt he did not love me enough to break up with a girl that he didn't even love. We finally ended our 'fling' and barely communicated after that. However, it is killing me not being with him and worse not communicating with him.

Foolish

Now I have another boyfriend and he has another girlfriend but I still love him. He told me that his last girlfriend cheated on him and he felt foolish for not choosing me, and he wanted me back but he was afraid I would reject him. Because I know he still loves me I am tempted to suggest that we get back together because I am willing to leave my boyfriend for him but I am not sure he will do the same for me. He often gets jealous of my boyfriend and is always advising me to watch him carefully, and do not do anything stupid as he doesn't want me to get hurt. But I do not know what to do. I tried moving on but I can't. I even considered getting therapy because I think it is abnormal.

Pastor, please give me your advice and also tell me whether you think he really loves me, and if he would want to get back together with me.

Confused

Dear Confused,

You will eventually get over this guy. The best way to kill the feelings that you have for him is to stop communicating with him. What is going on between the both of you is kids stuff. You claim to be a virgin, but if you keep pushing on this fellow, you won't be a virgin for much longer. This guy has his girlfriend. Leave him alone. Concentrate on getting a career.

Pastor