Dear Pastor,

I have been married for 10 years and out of the 10, my husband and I have only lived for 2 1/2 years. He went abroad and never came back, but he was always promising me that he would. I tried to keep myself for him, but I failed. I used to pretend that I was going to church and dressed up on Sundays and left the house.

Everybody thought I was gone to church, but I went straight to my boyfriend's house. Nobody in the yard where my boyfriend lives knows that I am married. I go and cook for him and we would eat and spend time together. Late in the night, he would drop me home. Sometimes I would put on back my church clothes if he had to go out, but if it's late I don't bother to do that.

My husband keeps sending me money and I behave as if I am faithful to him. I lent my boyfriend some of the money I got from my husband and he paid me back. This man is younger than me by five years. And when it comes to sex, he is crazy.

One day he tied me up and told me he wanted to put me under bondage. I didn't understand what he meant. When we were in the bedroom, he pulled out some cords from his drawer and removed all my clothes and started to play with me. I never had that experience before. I was groaning, so he turned up the television very high. I felt like I was losing control of myself.

This man has his babymother, but he does not live with her and she lives in Montego Bay. He said she doesn't know where he lives, but he lives in Kingston. I want this man for myself. I am willing to divorce my husband. He told me he is trying to become legal in America, but it is hard and if he comes to Jamaica, he won't be able to go back to America. I don't care if he doesn't come. I don't look my age. The only problem I am having is that if my husband comes, I won't be able to have good times with my boyfriend.

Do you think I should divorce my husband or wait on him to divorce me?

V.E., St. Andrew

Dear V.E.,

You know what you are doing and you like it. Your husband went abroad and hasn't returned. And for all the years that he is abroad, he expects you to be faithful. And you are good in fooling him. You are also fooling the people who are your neighbours, but you can't fool yourself.

Your boyfriend knows that you are married, but he doesn't care. You will never be able to live happily with your husband because you have been cheating for so long with a man you describe as crazy when it comes to sex. Evidently, your husband isn't crazy. But because you have allowed this man to touch what he should not have touched, it is unlikely that you would be content with your husband if he returns to Jamaica.

You may think you are succeeding in fooling the neighbours when you dress up and say you are going to church. Do you think that your neighbours care where you are going? I doubt that very much. Whether you go to church or to somewhere else, it is not their business, so although you are fooling them, they don't have to give account for you. It is your conscience that would bother you and you may soon find out that what you are doing is making yourself a fool with a young man who only wants you to have fun.

I am not here to condemn you. I would not at all. This man has his babymother, as you put it. I don't know if he would ever propose to you. I doubt that very much because it is unlikely that he would trust you. So, please bear in mind that this man would always think that if you can cheat on your husband with him, you would cheat on him also.

Pastor