Dear Pastor,

I met a man in 2006 and got married in 2007. I had a child before we were married. He does not have children and is not interested in trying to get me pregnant. He told me he doesn't want children to come and spoil our relationship. My husband has a good job and is active in sports. I would like to have another child. We have never had sex without using a condom. No matter how hard I try, he would get up and get a condom.

One day I hid the condoms he had bought. During foreplay, he got up and searched for them. When he insisted that I tell him where the condoms were, I did not tell him. He put on his clothes, got into bed and turned his back to me. I went for the condoms where I hid them. I told "him here it is", but he did not answer me.

I do not know what to do to get my husband to agree with me to try to have a child. We are well able to care for another child but he is not interested. One day he told me busy people like him don't have time for children. We have a lovely home, two cars and business is going well, why can't we have another child? Do you have any suggestions you can give me?

F. A.

Dear F.A.,

Before you got married, did you discuss having children with your husband? If you did, and he told you he was not interested in having children, you should not try to force him to change his position. This may lead to a breaking up of the marriage. Some people are just not interested in having children. I know a minister and his wife who, together, made a decision not to have children. He said that they did not have time to raise children but, as they grew older, they concluded they had made a grave mistake.

By that time it was too late for her to have children. As I respond to you, I am thinking of another couple who took the position that they did not want children. They had good jobs and could have supported a couple children but chose not to. They grew old and miserable and, finally, the man took his own life.

This man, perhaps, has taken your child as his own, and rightly so. I get the impression that you are happily married but you think having a child would make you happier. Don't worry, my dear, enjoy your husband and let your daughter know she is special and you love her dearly.

Pastor