Dear Pastor,

I am 25 and am engaged to be married. My fiancé is living abroad and in bible college. He will soon graduate and is coming back to marry me. He was born in Jamaica but is an American citizen.

I don't know what to do because recently I cheated on him with a guy I grew up with from my district.

I didn't mean to cheat. I promised my fiancé that I would be faithful to him, but this thing happened so fast.

This guy was helping me with an assignment and it began to rain heavily and I couldn't leave.

He had promised to give me a ride and it rained for about two hours and he kept saying we can't go out in the rain.

We started to fool around, and playing with each other's genitals. When I caught myself, it was too late, I was already having sex with him.

I felt ashamed because I should have known better. After we were finished having sex, I asked him why he had done that to me. He said he didn't do anything, we both had sex and that was not anything. We both had sex and that was that.

It has been bothering me because I don't know what I would say to my fiancé if he asked me whether I was faithful to him.

My fiancé took a chance and had sex with me a couple times when he was in Jamaica. We knew it was wrong to have sex before we got married but, at least, we knew we were planning to get married. After I had sex with this man, I was very worried because we did not use a condom. He keeps calling and telling me he loves me, and that I am not the only one who cheated because, when he had sex with me, he cheated on his girlfriend also.

Every time I look at my fiancé's picture, I cry. I feel I have let him down. I know he will not trust me again if he finds out I cheated on him.

Do you think I should tell him what happened and how it happened? This is the first time I have mentioned it to anybody. Please, tell me what I should do? I cannot mention this to my pastor. He would put me on back bench.

Many times I feel like writing to him and breaking off our engagement, but he would want to know why and my parents would also want to know.

E. E.

Dear E.E.,

Never go to a single man's house when he is alone. You may think you can trust him. Many girls have learnt the hard way that it is better to be called prude than to allow a man to have his way with them.

When it began to rain heavily and you could not leave this man's house, it suited him. He knew exactly what to do to turn you on. Now, he is behaving like what you all did was no big thing. It is a big thing for you because, although you are not yet married, you promised your fiancé that you would be faithful to him. He probably would never ask you if you were faithful to him while he was away. If he doesn't, I would not suggest you offer that information.

However, if you are so convicted you feel you must, you should follow your conviction. Remember it is a big risk to take. He may forgive but may also tell you he will never trust you, and move on.

Pastor