Dear Pastor,

I am having a problem and would like you to help me. I am involved with two men. They are both married. I am an administrative assistant and meet lots of men in my job. I am attractive and of light complexion. I am 5' 6" and have a nice shape. My boss tells me when his friends come to his office, they always congratulate him for having such a good worker. I try my best to be polite. When I was in college I had a boyfriend. I dropped him when I found out he was not making progress. He couldn't keep a job. he was only a talker and not a doer.

I met this married man who kept sending me flowers. I did not know he was married. When we went on our first date, he told me he was married. By that time, I started to like him. I told him I did not want to get involved with a married man, but he told me he was a different type of married man. One of my brothers got into trouble and was locked up. I did not want to ask my boss for money so I called the man and told him I needed to borrow some money. He asked me how much.

He gave me $50,000 for the lawyer. That weekend we went out and after dinner we went to another place. He told me I didn't have to pay him back. I was surprised because no man has ever given me so much money at one time. He asked me if I would have sex with him. I told him yes, no, then yes again. We hugged, kissed and nothing went on. He dropped me home and I didn't hear from him for about two weeks. Every time I called his phone was off.

When I asked him what had happened, he said he was sick, and on sick leave. He said his wife was taking care of him and he didn't want her to answer when i was calling the phone. I was so worried when I didn't hear from him. When he went back to work, I sent him roses, but it was not tagged. One evening he took me out. after dinner he took me home, I invited him in and we had sex. Somebody who knew him saw when he was leaving my house, and told his wife that she saw her husband with a whore. I am no whore. I haven't had many men in my life.

This man and I still talk but we have not been out again. I met another man and he told me he wasn't married. He is helping to pay my rent. I am now pregnant, for him. Since pregnant, I have been finding out more about him. He is told me that he is married, but his wife doesn't have any children for him, so I should not destroy the pregnancy. My other male friend is the only person I can talk to about my troubles.

Although we don't go out anymore, I can always call him. My headache is not knowing what to do. I never wanted to get pregnant for a married man. This man bought me a car. If I leave him I will have to give that up. I can't buy a car on my own because I have other things doing. He begged me not to tell his wife. I don't know how to deal with my problems. I told my boss I was pregnant. He asked me who is the lucky man. I didn't tell hm. My boss is a Christian.

Initial withheld

Dear ....,

Have your baby. However, remember one day the father of the child will be revealed. You don't have to call his wife and tell her you got pregnant by her husband. it's his responsibility to tell her. Some women who have children by married men have never said a word to the wives of these men. However, this is Jamaica and, when you believe nobody knows, many people know.

Some men, especially those in very good jobs, educate their outside children but do not declare they are the biological fathers of these kids, unless their wives find out and embrace the children. You have been careless but, at the same time, I do not wish to condemn you because you said you were not aware this man was married. He did not inform you.

I only hope you realise that although this man's wife cannot have children, he has no intention of leaving her. You will have to decide if you are going to be satisfied with being "the other woman" in his life until he is willing to give you up, or you will come to your senses and realise it is better to give up the car he bought you. You should only take money from him for the support of his child and let him go his way. He has no intention of leaving his wife. You have to learn to be satisfied with what you are earning, or get another job to augment your salary and not rely on this man. As far as emotion is concerned, I cannot encourage you to do so.

Pastor