Dear Pastor,

I must first commend your efforts in giving fear and realistic advice to those who seek your opinion in the variety of issues that people encounter on life's journey. I am at a stage in my life where I cannot seem to understand myself. I am a 28-year-old male and I cannot seem to control my thoughts and desires.

I am in love with my pastor who is also a male. We have been involved secretly for four years and it still remains a secret. He is the father of two children and the husband of a very beautiful wife who just seems to fuel my jealousy. I am deeply in love with him. I am like his slave because there is nothing I wouldn't do to make him happy. I know he loves me too.

disappointment and pain

We both try very hard to keep our relationship in the dark because if this should be known to the church community, it would just be pure disappointment and pain. Sometimes on weekends he would come to visit me where the time is just great or we may sometimes meet secretly at a hotel far from our parish.

The problem is: whenever I sit in the congregation and watch my pastor preach no peace can be found inside me because somehow I know it is wrong but it just seems right. Both of us never speak about what the Bible says about our lifestyle. It is not right, but I am in love, pastor. I really am.

Writing you this letter brings me great emotional discomfort. I want to please God, but how can I when I am in love with the man chosen to lead the flock? I want to break free but I don't know how to.

Please help me. I am drowning in confusion.

A.D.

Dear A.D.,

You know what the Bible says about two people of the same sex having a sexual relationship. Your pastor knows that the Bible condemns such behaviour. Both of you are guilty of gross immoral conduct.

Now, I know that some people will say right away that I am condemning the pastor and yourself. I am not. I am only pointing out what the Bible says. You have already said that you are aware that such behaviour is wrong. You respect your pastor. And according to you, you love him, but you also say in your letter that you want to "break free." Therefore, you are seeking help. You are not comfortable with this relationship.

very uncomfortable

So the question is: what steps should you take? I suggest that you approach your pastor and tell him that you are very uncomfortable about what both of you are doing and you would like to bring the relationship to an end. But you should go further and tell him that both of you should seek professional help separately. He may try to discourage you from seeking help but insist that you must.

And after you have come to the place where you believe that you have overcome this sexual disorder, you should suggest to the pastor that both of you should meet with the counsellor/therapist. If he objects, you should remind him that a therapist cannot divulge the names of clients and the nature of the problems without their permission.

You should also tell him that you have written to me and that I have suggested that you seek professional help and that he should do the same. Do not go anywhere with this man. Do not accept any financial assistance from him. Do not keep company with him at all. And while you are undergoing counselling, you should seriously consider whether or not you should continue attending his church.

Pastor