Listen nuh, peeps, I know all the cute quotes and smart sayings that challenge foolhardy bravery. And I'm a master when it comes to questioning senseless bravado.

Yeah, man, from 'coward man keeps sound bone' to 'he who fights and runs away lives to fight another day', I know them all, and I try hard to live by them. The key word here being 'live'. My life ambition is to live to a ripe old age. And if (God forbid) the plan doesn't work and I have to do that awfully ugly dying thing, I aim to do it in the most peaceful and least painful way possible.

Of course, many people prefer to big up bravery. Many of you love to quote (or misquote) the line from Julius Caesar that says 'Cowards die many times before their deaths. The valiant never taste of death but once.' That sounds really nice and noble, don't?! Yeah, well mek Shakespeare tan deh wid him dead self. I am very coward and very, very alive. And wid all my cowardice, me never taste death yet!

My favourite quote on courage and cowardice is the one by Horace Smith which says 'courage is the fear of being thought a coward', so I bravely embrace my cowardice. And no, I'm not advocating extreme cowardice to the extent where people live in constant fear of being ambushed by their very own shadow. But I believe strongly in safety and security.

I try to live peacefully with people and cultivate harmonious relationships. That doesn't mean that I will stifle my conscience, withhold my opinion or silently swallow disrespect, but I don't pick fight and run dung conflicts. Even more important, whether it comes outspoken and overt or it is delivered delightfully disguised as joke, I never ever ignore what appears to be a potential threat to my well-being.

I'm saying all of this to say that I feel threatened. Yeah, big and serious, I feel at risk. So if something suspicious should suddenly happen to me, nobody can say I never sounded the alarm. Yes, friends, there is a person out there swelling with bitterness and resentment for me. There's a person out there who feels that his progress and prosperity are being hindered because Blakka Ellis 'bad-mind and bad-talk' him and prevent him from getting work as a comedian. This person feels that I'm so intent on blocking his progress that I've gone as far as telling a promoter 'don't book him, book me instead and I'll perform free of cost!'

Now I put it to you. We're living in crazy world where people plot the demise of others for all kinds of simple and stupid reasons. And if a man thinks you're blocking his food, one never knows what he might or might not do. So put yourself in my shoe for a minute. If you know that somebody is seriously carrying such deep anger for you, and that person also happens to carry a gun, wouldn't you feel threatened?

Well, me feel threatened, and right now me 'fraid! And unnu know that I'm like an old fridge - me nah keep anything. So I'm putting it out there! Is not Kevlar mek my head back, I don't do well with pain, and I hear say gunshot is a thing dat lick hot. So I'm walking circumspect and mi nah tek nuh check as I refuse to be caught nappin'. I'm going to talk to the police so they know who they could check if something suspicious was to suddenly happen!

box-mi-back@hotmail.com

'We're living in crazy world where people plot the demise of others for all kinds of simple and stupid reasons.'