Dear Pastor,

I write this letter to you with tears in my eyes. I really need your advice because I am too ashamed and embarrassed to talk to anyone about it. Pastor, please don't judge me because I know it is partially my fault for rushing into things so fast. I was with a guy when I was younger but we broke up. I went down where he was on a vacation and we got involved again.

I love this man with every bone in my body and he convinced me that he felt the same. We got married in August last year and now I have found out he was cheating on me since last year with my cousin. This woman went to my mother's house and told my mother everything. When I asked him, he said it was not true. The girl wanted him, he turned her down and they weren't together. I don't know what to believe, but I don't believe him because she knows stuff that, if he didn't tell her, she wouldn't have known.

Ashamed

Pastor, I am so ashamed because this is all in my community. Now, my mother is telling me that I just can't let go because we are married and I should talk things over with him. Please help me by giving me your advice. This man has caused me great humiliation and I know maybe I rushed into things too fast, but I really thought we had something special.

What should I do? How can I be sure he won't do this again? He betrayed my trust. I have been so faithful to him and this is how he repaid me. I will follow your advice, but put into consideration my feelings, pastor. I don't know if I have the strength to go on and we are pretty young. I am 24 and he is 29. I told him we are through but I am awaiting your response. Keep up the good work.

N.L.

Dear N.L.,

I suggest you stay with your man. Insist you both go for counselling, but don't leave him over this matter. Give him another chance. You are not very sure what really happened between your cousin and him. Perhaps he is lying. If he is, give him the benefit of the doubt. Your cousin could be lying too. Perhaps she loves him, wants him for herself and the best way to get him if he is not showing interest in her is to tell everybody they are having an affair.

Your cousin would be the happiest person if your husband and you should break up, so don't give her any reason to rejoice. I repeat, stay with your husband. Make an appointment to see a family counsellor, and please let me hear from you again.

Pastor