Dear Pastor,

I am a 28-year-old female living in the United States. I have been reading your column since I was about 13 and I love your work.

I am having a problem and I need your help. I met a man around a year and half ago and we started off as friends, then we start dating. When I first met him, he was the perfect guy. He said all the right things and did almost everything that I love. Then suddenly he made a complete 360-degree turn.

I live in New York and he moved back to Florida to work. We continued to have a long distance relationship but I noticed things started changing a lot. When he just moved back, we got along great. He used to call me to see how I was doing. He called me at nights when he got home from work. We used to talk a lot on the phone because we missed each other. Then I started noticing that after two months or so the calls started getting less and less, he was now going out more and more. He even went as far as to tell me that I am calling him too often, even though I was just calling him one time a day when I got home from work. He even started telling me that I should not call, he will call instead because he is busy and I am disturbing him. I said ok, but now he only calls once a week to say hi and that he loves me. Sometimes two weeks pass without him calling me.

I went to see him in Florida and when I got there everything was good at first. We went for dinner, to the movies and we were having fun like old time.

Then on Valentine's Day he went out to get me some flowers. He was gone for almost four hours. While he was gone, I noticed a pair of earrings on his dresser. It was hidden away behind a picture. I got upset, so when he got back I asked him whose earring it was and he said it was for his daughter. His daughter is 11 years old and there is no way she would be wearing a grown woman earring, plus since he moved into that apartment his daughter has not been to see him.

lying to me

I confronted him and he told me that he would never cheat and I am accusing him. He left me at the apartment and did not come back until the next morning. I asked him where he was and he said he went to his friend's house because he did not want to argue. The next day I saw his friend and asked him about my boyfriend spending the night at his house and his friend said that he did not see him.

Pastor, he keeps lying to me. I went back to his house and told him that I know he was lying and I am leaving him. I left Florida and went back to New York City. He called me and told me that he loved me and he wanted to work things out. He even said that he wants to marry me in the future but he wants to have a baby with me first. I told him that I already have plans for my life. I see myself getting a degree, which I already did, working for the U.S government as we speak, then get married after we are comfortable we can have a baby. I already have two things checked off my list but he wants me to have a baby first before he marries me.

Do you think that I should stick to my original plan? He is 34 and he already has two kids with two different women and he did not marry any of them. Pastor, I think that if I should get pregnant, he is not going to marry me. I know he is a cheater and a liar, but for some reason I love him very much and I am not sure what I should do in my heart. I know he is cheating but how do I get the strength to leave? I am really stressed out about this, and I don't know what to do.

Thank you in advance

N.B., U.S.A

Dear N.B.,

Ask God to give you the strength to put this man behind you, so to speak, and move on. This man does not love you, neither does he respect you. You will never be happy with him because he is a liar and a cheater. You are giving him the impression that he can do whatever he pleases and you will be waiting for him and forgive him.

Spend much time in prayer and ask God to give you the strength to say no to him. When a man does not respect a woman, the relationship will never work.

Pastor