Dear Pastor,

It has been quite a while I have wanted to write to you but I always fail to do so because I am afraid I will be judged wrongly, but now I don't care if I am. I just need answers. From I was 13, I have had boyfriends. Now I am and I am a Christian. I can't keep a boyfriend.

My first break up was because the guy started to smoke and drink and I dislike such things. He wasn't even a Christian and even told me lies on top of lies, so I ended it. The second guy's mother broke us up, saying we were too young to start talking about relationship. He was a Christian. The third person I was with, he wasn't a Christian and I really liked the guy, but I later discovered that he was a ganja man. I was so confused, so I left him immediately.

After sometime, I was back in a relationship. This guy was a Christian and he was so much of a gentleman. We got caught kissing by the wrong persons and both of our parents got involved. I was so perplexed. He left me and moved away. Another male came along. He was a Christian. The relationship was steady for 5 months. I later found out he was cheating. Anyway, the usual happened.

six months

At that time I had a male friend. He was my best friend. I told him everything, he listened and gave advice. That same guy gave me some time to recover before he proposed for a relationship. I grew to love him. He was everything to me. I am not ashamed to say I loved him and he was a Christian. He treated me like a lady. We were together for six months, which happens to be the longest I have ever stayed with a guy. I was happy. Time went by and he stopped treating me as well as before.

After the break-up, he made me know that although he loved me, he wanted something in return. I cried because I wasn't ready for sex. I tried to get back to him but it was no use. I still have feelings for him, so I told a friend of mine what happened and she suggested I should avoid him. I am still in the process of doing that. At times, I feel so down. Don't get me wrong, I always put my education before men, but I need a male companion. Yes, other guys have proposed to me, Christians and Non-Christians but I don't accept.

In the past week, I decided to give this guy a chance but I cannot love again. I broke it off in two days. Now I am single. I now view relationships as just going into heartache so I just avoid it. I am, however, lonely, but what to do? I don't want to give up my virginity to someone who only wants to have sex alone, because that is the main reason why I ended up getting cheated on. Guys say I am too stuck-up but the truth is I don't want to be loose either.

However, I masturbate a lot. Is that a sin? They also say that when I am old, I will regret things because I am not opening up. I am confused and I need your help.

Confused Teen

Dear Confused Teen,

You will survive. You are struggling to be appreciated by the opposite sex. You are not bad. The guys who are coming around you have one thing in mind and that is to get under your skirt. When they can't get through, they leave you. That doesn't make you bad. That shows that you are wise. You want to have a high standard. You don't want a man who has certain habits. As a Christian, you will not feel comfortable having him as your boyfriend.

Now I know that some people would say you are promiscuous, but you know that you are not. You are not having sex with Tom, Dick, Moses or Daniel. What you want is to develop a steady relationship with a decent and ambitious young man and, so far, that has not happened. You need to give yourself time. Something good is going to happen for you.

You want to know whether it is wrong to masturbate. I can tell you that some family counsellors say it is wrong. Others do not condemn the practice. The Bible does not address the matter. Therefore, I will not pass any judgement upon you.

Spend much time in prayer. Be active in the young people movement at your church. Be a good student and focus on positive things. May the Good Lord bless you abundantly.

Pastor